ADVENTURES OF ‘ASS-HOLE’ ANDY ARMAGEDDON
OVERALL RATING: 7-
DIRECTOR: Andy Armageddon
THEMES: New Girls, Puking,
CONDOMS: None Noted
STARS: Princess, Brian Surewood, Anne Howe, Stacie Richardson, Molly Rome, Taylor McKay.
As many of you already know, I have a genuine fondness for gonzo porn. Not the wall to wall stuff that mistakenly passes for gonzo, but the real deal. The stuff that John Stagliano and Seymore Butts did with their stuff. Movies where the dude behind the camera takes us on a trip with him, runs into some hot babes and lives the kind of life that we can only dream of. That’s the kind of movie we get when ‘Ass-hole’ Andy Armageddon finds a video camera on the beach, picks it up and magically finds girls who are just dying to fuck on film. What is it they say about humble beginnings?
Just moments after Andy picks up the camera, he finds Princess sitting in the sand. He tells her he’s a film maker and guess what, she just happens to be a stripper from Idaho (Do they have strippers in Idaho?) who has always wanted to be in porn. Now what he needs is some male talent. Yeah, that takes about three seconds and it’s off to the house they go to break Princess’ video cherry. All Princess wants is to be a star and all it takes is her mouth around a cock to make part of her dreams come true. A few deep strokes and she actually pukes all over the bed. Amazingly enough, she seems totally unaffected by her vomit reflex and after a brief clean up, keeps right on going. Her pussy doesn’t have the same depth limits that her throat does. No more puking, just a new girl being fucked right into the industry. Princess has a soft body and a decent face (With a very badly chipped tooth.) but it’s her energy and interaction with Andy that makes the scene work. It’s all going well until she yacks on him again. What the fuck? Are people actually turned on by girls puking during sex? Mercifully, Brian ends the scene by dropping a load on her face.
Before he can make her a real star, Andy needs to be able to vouch for her sills first hand. Slow on the uptake, Princess has to be told to get on her knees and start sucking. I think we all can see how Princess earned the bus fare to get from her hometown to the big city. We get a nice POV blowjob with plenty of eye contact, deep strokes and not a drop of puke to be found. Instead, he fires a big load all over her willing face.
With this first girl, Andy lands a job as the newest Extreme/Armageddon wonder boy. Now he’s got girls calling him looking for work. The first such girl is Anne Howe. When Andy goes to meet this tiny young thing, he finds that she is super thing, very fresh and young looking and most important of all, willing to do anything. Andy wants another girl, so Anne calls one of her friends to join in the fun. The little blonde looks even younger than Anne, but has no idea that the modeling she is going to asked to do won’t be for Teen magazine. Between the two girls there is maybe a quarter pound of beast, but if you like them thin and dangerously young looking, you’ll enjoy this pair. Andy keeps Anne for himself, letting her suck his cock until it’s hard and wet enough to slip into her tight slit. We get a POV scene with this cutie riding his dick until it explodes on her face. (I don’t know where the other chick went.) Once she has passed the first test, Andy brings John in to make Anne a real star. She doesn’t hesitate for a second before taking his cock in her mouth and taking it to the root. This talented little cocksucker is a lot nicer to look at with a dick in her mouth since her body is to rail thin as she rides a rod. In positions where her pussy is on display, like doggy, we get a great look at a very attractive love taco. Anne takes a big load on her pretty face.
Andy sees a pretty blonde on the street and decides to follow her home. Stalker behavior aside, he makes his way into the house and watches as she undresses. He manages to stay unseen until a guy shows up. Andy leaves the house then comes back in to film a full scene. Stacie Richardson is a nice looking girl with real tits and a willingness to take on two hard cocks. Though she’s a little soft around the middle, Stacie loves to fuck and doesn’t hold back when it comes to shaking those tits, working her hips or slobbering all over a piece of hard male meat. For the finish, Stacie makes her pretty face available for sperm target practice, taking two loads and looking lovely.
Andy hits the streets again later that night for a trip down Sunset. He finds one rather quickly, in the hotly dressed Molly Rome. She may be dressed like a whore, but that face is pure prom queen. He needs a guy to hang out with them, so Mark Wood is brought in to the picture. They all hit a limo and in a matter of seconds, little Molly has a big fat cock in her young mouth. Other than some fucked up teeth, Molly is quite the little cutie, who quickly proves she does more than just suck. The limo is cramped, but her frame is small enough to get some serious reverse cowgirl going. Mark has a good sized prick, but the harder he shoves it in, the louder she begs for more. Her shaved slit is very pretty and looks very tight as she takes it from behind. Of course, the scene can’t end without cum all over Molly’s cute face. Turned on by the sight of this chick wearing goo, Andy gets his turn. I don’t know if the extreme close ups on that cold sore at the corner of her mouth are a good idea. The rest of the blowjob is quite hot, especially the final facial.
When Andy arrives home, he finds Taylor McKay, a hot little slut who wants to be in one of his movies. She’s eighteen, totally fucking cute and such a brat. You just want to see her on the business end of a spurting cock. Andy takes her into the bedroom and he puts her mouth to the test. Getting more than just a blowjob this time, Andy lets Taylor back her ass up and fuck him for a while. It looks like this young girl has recently had a kid, but other than some minor stomach stretching and two badly placed tats, she is the perfect trailer girl next door. She is welcomed into porn with a shot of cum that seals one of her eyes totally shut. Having passed the test, Taylor is about to go pro in a big way. Luciano is next to violate her young mouth and Taylor proves to be a talented little knob polisher. After an impressive blowjob, the little home invader gets skewered by Luciano’s big, fat cock. He has a good time pushing the young blonde into different positions, slamming into her cock and letting her know that her ass is next. Hey, Taylor wants to a porn star and you don’t get very far without opening up the back door for the big ones. Once her ass has been introduced to a veteran porn prick, it’s time for that pretty face to get a second coat of creamy cum. Taylor may want to hit the gym a little to work on those abs, but she has got the face and filthy whore attitude to take her a long way.
I talked in the opening about how much I loved genuine gonzo and this is about as close to that sort of movie as I’ve seen in some time. Andy Armageddon has the kind of ‘fuck the whores’ attitude that will fit right in with his new come company. As he hits the streets, he finds a few new girls who are primed and ready to be used and tossed aside. Princess is a do anything slut who gives a good scene when she isn’t puking all over the place. Molly Rome looks right at home sucking cock in the back of that limo. If this little cutie gets that chipped tooth fixed, she could be one very hot little slutlet. She already takes cocks that look too big for her petite little pussy. Stacie Richardson looks promising and takes a couple of loads. Anne Howe is another fresh faced young girl who fucks like someone with years more experience. Taylor McKay may be the strongest slut in the movie, turning her trailer park homecoming queen looks into an inviting mix of fresh faced innocence and well stretched porn prick cushion. While there is room for improvement, this is a very solid debut from Andy. I’m sure things will only get better from here.