Note: How serious is my apparent anger towards Monstar? Well I assume that his ribbing was good natured and fueled a bit by alcohol. You can read the same attitude into what I’ve written here….or not…either way I still look upon him as a friend.

XRCO 2005 Gallery
XRCO 2005
Hey everyone. I just got home from the XRCO Awards and am going to log this report before bed. You’re going to have to forgive me for not going over the winners because I have barely a clue as to who actually collected the wooden hearts. I know that Misty Beethoven won for Best Comedy and that Manuel Ferrara and Lauren Phoenix collected the awards as top male and female. Beyond that I’m going to have to look it up. (I’ll explain why later.)
I made the trip up with my friend Dan from www.boobden.com and we made it there just in time to follow Jenna Jameson up to the red carpet. We hung back to avoid the cameras and to talk to the lovely Ms. April Storm who looked fantastic as always. While the throng of photographers burned through their batteries snapping shots of Jenna, we said hello to Tod Hunter (www.tod-hunter.net) who is sporting a new look. I was tempted to make a Grizzly Adams reference, but Tod’s a smart guy so I went with D.B. Cooper instead. Tod didn’t look quite as good as April, but we can forgive him for that, few do.
I was right in the middle of a nice talk with Gen Padova who looks really good these days when we had our first “Monstar” sighting of the night. Firing the first jabs, he had something to say about my fashion sense. He’s got me there. My outfit was no match for his. By the way, Christina Model called and she wants her shirt back, though I think you showed more nipple than she did. Without question, he is the better dresser which makes us dead even in the dresser/writer battle. The difference is that I admit that I can’t dress for shit. After dazzling us with his sense of style, the proceeded to tell me that I was “yesterday’s news” and a “dinosaur.” I’m not sure if that was an age joke which would be funny given the relative closeness in our ages. Perhaps he was waxing paleontological on the future of my web site. In that case I can do along with the analogy. So yeah, I’m a dinosaur and you’re Martin Ferrero. (I’ll explain that one later too.)
With that business behind us we made our way inside where the crowd was already forming around the bar. I ran into Jenna Haze who looked great as usual. She agreed that it is about time we sat down for another interview and maybe even some updated T-Shirt shots. Just outside the main entrance was Flower Tucci. She looked fantastic in a blue dress that showed off the curves nicely. She told me that she has a new show on KSEXRadio.com on Tuesday’s at nine. While I was speaking to flower Tom Zupko came over with Avy Scott. I was just talking about these two on www.DailyNose.com today. Zupko is shooting Avy’s “comeback” movie for Hustler. Tom is looking great these days. He’s dropped some serious weight and it didn’t hurt that he had Avy on his arm. She looked fucking amazing and if you need some curves then Avy has all you want and then some. I took some shots of Flower and Avy and then slid right in between them where every many would love to be.
I had the rare pleasure of seeing Maria Menendez in person. She is one half of the Porn Hunnies on KSEX. (Formerly with Flower and now with Kimberly Kane/Haley Paige.) I’m still doing my weekly movie review on that show. As much as Maria may hate it, people are going to keep asking her to get naked as long as she continues to look so damn good.
The show took a while to get started so I started drinking a bit. It’s amazing how much more fun these things are with a little social lubricant. Selena and Kent Silver were off to the side of the bar so I hung back with them for a while. They’ve been busy of late and spending a lot of time on the water. Life’s rough Kent. Married to Selena and you spend most of your time sailing. Man I never want to hear you complain about anything. I still can’t believe that Selena was only nominated for one award this year. We both agreed that it is very odd to be in a bar that serves Corona and Heineken in cans.
The show started, but I hung back away from the stage. I know I should have been in there getting shots, but cut me some slack. I was out as a voting member of XRCO tonight, not on an official press assignment. Luke Ford was there and he dropped the question of the night on me.
Luke: So how many of these women have you had relations with?
Damn Luke. That was some straight stuff. I wish I had taken a picture of the expression of utter disbelief on Luke’s face when I gave him the answer….”None.” (Yet, I’m still waiting.)
After that probing question, it was time for another beer. Lexington Steele was at the bar so we did some catching up. Things are going well to Lex and he introduced me to his editor. (Sorry man, I didn’t catch your name.) As I was enjoying a conversation with Lex, round two with Monstar happened. This time he came over and grabbed my crotch. It was a drive-by squeeze that left everyone pretty fucking confused. I guess my choice of outfits wasn’t so bad huh? It only took one drink for me to look good enough for you to start groping.
Now for that first thing I promised to explain. Why did I not get all of the winners written down? First of all because I was having too much fun at the bar, but you also have to remember that the sound system in that place is pretty bad. It is nearly impossible to hear anything on the ground floor.
I was on my way upstairs where the sound is better when Monstar made another pass. This time he announced to anyone who could hear that my site sucked and gave my balls another squeeze. The collection of women around us must have thought that they had walked in on the GayVN awards or something.
It was much easier to hear upstairs and I was able to listen as Misty Beethoven won for Best Comedy. No one from VCA was on hand to pick up the award. Sadly I was too far away to run up and snatch that heart for them. While I was up there I talked with Jef Hickey for a while. He and I go way back and now that he is with Kick Ass it is nice to be working on stuff with him again. What I really want to work on right now is getting Mary Carey into the office so I can finally test out those tits to see if they are real. (And after watching her in “Lick My Balls” today I can think of something else I would like to have her to for me.) From upstairs I also got to see Manuel win his award and moon the audience. Lauren Phoenix also grabbed her award. As Tricia Devereaux and Kevin Moore accepted an award for Joey Silvera, I made my way downstairs for one more beer.
Tom Byron was at the bar so we did some catching up. I found out that Gia Paloma is now working for Evolution and that I should talk to her about screeners. I’ll talk to her about anything so that wasn’t exactly tough. What was tough was finding Gia. We gave up and decided to head upstairs to see what was going on in the press area.
There were a number of ladies posing for pictures, but I stopped and started talking to Mark Wood and Francesca Le. Lucky for all of us, Dan was quick with the camera. He snapped some sexy shots of Gia (Oh that’s where she was) and Eva. I had a long conversation with Francesca and Mark about their future projects and the fact that Mark has been nominated for “Unsung Swordsman” three years in a row. (Brian Surewood won it this year.) Francesca also brought Jada Fire over and had her show off those great tits. It was a lovely sight from where I was standing, but I think I might have stepped on Dan’s tongue after he saw that rack.
Tricia Devereaux made her way into the press area with her arms full of more awards. She accepted for Jules Jordan (Who won for Best Director and other things) because he is on location shooting. I found out that Teagan won as Best New Female. She wasn’t there so that only added fuel to the rumors that she may be with child. I talked with Tricia and Van Styles for a while. It was hard to have much of a conversation though because every few minutes Monstar would breeze through the room shouting at me that my site still sucks. (I guess Manuel wasn’t the only one showing his ass tonight.)
It was time to go home so with a final beer in my hand (Hey I knew we weren’t going to leave any time soon.) we headed for the door. Tom Byron was there and he had finally located Gia. He introduced me to Rob Longshot first (Dude, I want some more Nautica Thorn pictures in the Rog gear) and then to Gia. She’s got some new boobs and was happily showing them to everyone. Stupid me I stood back and talked to her instead of diving in like everyone else.
We made a final sweep of the outdoor tables and said good-bye to Tod. I just missed talked to Mr. Marcus and wishing the beautiful April Storm a good night. Erik was out there as well so I said good-bye to him as well. I’m starting to think that I must have really pissed Mark Davis off at some point because he always looks at me like I stole something from him. I’ll have to ask him about that sometime.
Outside the building I had one last good-bye with Everhard. This time he actually introduced me to Monica Mayhem who looked pretty damn good. I wish we had a bit more time because I could have listened to that voice all night. Dan and I made our way to the parking lot with two of my oldest friends in the biz Dave Michaels and John Douglas. They were also covering the event and we started shooting the breeze. There was time for one more Monstar sighting. He came by, gave me the single-finger salute and then slapped me in the nuts like a little girl. For someone who was questioning my sexuality, you sure had an obsession with my junk tonight man.
Monstar’s little drunken outburst made more than one person wonder if maybe he should change his name to Gaystar. (Or maybe Gaestarrrrrrr) When the laugher faded we kicked off a rather long conversation about our combined years in the business. Long story and I’ll spare you. Besides, we got to finish the night with Ron Jeremy sharing stories of his stint on Reality-TV in the UK. It was nice to end the evening on a high note.
So, the winners? You can get the whole list at XRCO.com but if you need a short list, Lauren and Manuel for Performer, Teagan and Tommy Gun for Best New Female/Male, Brian Surewood and Katie Morgan for Unsung.
As for the show, I would love to say something about Wankus and Taylor who hosted the event. Let’s face it though, I couldn’t hear a thing downstairs and only caught a bit of the show from upstairs. They seemed to do a good job of keeping the event flowing. I guess that makes it a little sad that we couldn’t hear it better.
That’s about it except for that other mystery note that I left up above. I’ll get to just a bit.
First, a message to my pal Monster who I’ve thought of as a friend and brother for a decade (and counting) Brother, you need to concentrate more on holding your liquor and less on holding my package!
And finally…. Martin Ferrero…..he was the guy who got bitten in two on the crapper in Jurassic Park.
Dinosaur indeed. I’m a T-Rex mother fucker and it’s feeding time!
Good Night Now!