Sometimes I get the coolest letters from readers. Sometimes I get crap from total yahoos. Sometimes I can’t tell which is which, so I let you decide. Read on and please feel free to comment.

After carefully looking into things I think it’s safe to connect this with the threatening Pro-Felicia email I got last week. I actually wouldn’t have posted this, but this one came from a fake AOL email address. Bad form sir, but I leave it in the hands of my readers now.

‘Lori’ writes

Hi Roger! Merry Christmas!

Is this THE Roger T. Pipe – Expert Reviewer?…What’s the T stand for, tail? Tail Pipe….My roommate stumbled upon your name…She was looking for some laughs and did a search on “feeble men”….How many years did you attend school to become a certified Expert Reviewer?…Obtaining self-gratification from degrading women in order to publicize your self-importance….Talk about insecurity….Your opinion is gospel….Your synopsis of each movie is tremendous, using eloquent words such as “skank” and “skag”….Wow, your wife must be proud!…A man with such integrity and class….If you spent half as much time with your wife as you do going off on a tangent in your reviews, she would be a happy woman…Can you please send me a Rog Rules T-shirt?….I need a rag to clean out my cat’s litter box….Thanks.

– Lori from Kentucky

Rog Replies

Hi Lori,

Happy Kwanzaa to you!

Yes, this is THE RTP as if anyone would claim that after your glowing
critique. The T? Tail is good, not the first time I’ve heard that one. T
for THE has been suggested. Perhaps it is a tribute to the original Star
Trek and it stands for Tiberius. Your roommate must have done some serious research because my site doesn’t show up until page 237 when I search “Feeble
men” with Yahoo. That kind of diligence should be rewarded. I hope she
found some laughs at least. My spelling errors alone are usually worth a
few chuckles. Thank you for taking such an interest in me personally. My
educational background is probably not as impressive as your own, but
since you asked. I did not attend the famed school of Porn Journalism in
the Valley like many of my colleagues. I do hope to teach there one day
however. Instead I picked up a BA in an unrelated field. I never even
obtained my official Expert Porn Reviewer merit badge. I feel all empty
inside because of it. All those years as a social worker and an office
manager wasted when I could have been refining my craft.

With your knack for turning a phrase you should really be a writer.
“Obtaining self-gratification from degrading women in order to publicize
my self-importance.” Wow, what a great fragment that is. Just a few
corrections if I may. I don’t get any gratification from degrading
women. I comment on what I see and it’s not always pretty. Of course
that goes for the men as well as well as the women. Perhaps you should
say that I degrade performers in adult movies if you want to be a little
more accurate. Any gratification I get comes not from degrading,
insulting or even praising the people in these movies. Instead it comes
from knowing that someone out there gets something from the site. Some
get information that they need in order to make a “good” choice. Others
get sexual gratification from my words (and those emails are even more
fun than yours) and still others just laugh at it. Either way, I’m
happy. As for publicizing my self-importance, well I wish I did more of
that. Wow, my own PR firm. That would be grand.

Insecurity? Interesting. Then again you just said my opinion is gospel.
I’d disagree with that statement, but I would hate to disagree with a
dedicated reader like that. In case you haven’t read far enough, I don’t
consider my opinion to be anything more than just that. If someone
agrees with me then that is great. If someone disagrees then that is
also great. Some of my most loyal readers think I’m all wrong about porn
and use my reviews as reverse template to tell them what to buy/rent.

Did I really use the word “Skag?” *Quickly does a full text search * Why
yes I did, ONCE. In over 2000 reviews, I used it once. And in that same
line, about the woman in question, called her “garden fodder” which I
think is much more clever turn of phrase. I did use the word “Skank” in
9 reviews. Let’s see if I was discussing women or just talking about a
popular form of expression/dancing from the punk scene of my youth.
Twice in reference to you know who, once discussing Lexi Erickson’s
fucking style, once to discuss Candy Cash, once in reference to Ms.
Paltrow, once lovingly to discuss Candy Apples’ sexual prowess, once
discussing a group of ugly white chicks in an orgy and finally once when
talking about Mila’s blown out orifices. Is it safe to see a pattern in
your anger? (And given the AOL address, can’t we assume that this is
coming from the same person who told me I would be “dealt with
accordingly?”)

You may attack my class all you like, but please take a moment to look
up the word integrity. It does not mean compliance with what you or
anyone else thinks I should say about a certain performer. In fact,
disguising a personal grudge as a general defense of women shows a
decided lack of integrity. And if you are going to pick only the Felecia
references, then at least give me credit for the good ones.

As for my wife being proud, well I’d leave that to her but she long ago
gave up bashing hate mailers. If your good personal friend and her
husband are happy with how they make their living, then I don’t see why
I should have a problem with what I do. In fact, you just told me that
I’m an “Expert” and that my opinion is “gospel.” Well damn, when you
consider I did it on my own, I think that’s something to be proud of. If
I spent as much time with my wife as I do going off on tangents in my
reviews then she would be one very tired woman. However, if she has any
complaints or is in need of attention, I’ll be sure and give your email
address because you have a whole lot of time.

Of course you can have a Rog Rules T Shirt. In fact, give me your
address and I’ll send you one for Felecia as well. You two can wipe your
asses with them if you like. I’ve been considering selling them on the
site and donating the proceeds to HIV or breast cancer research, but
perhaps I should take up a collection to help the both of you recover
from the deep emotional scars I have caused. I feel so riddled with
guilt. How will I ever live with myself?

Thank you Lori and please, write any time. I appreciate your support and
dedication.

Roger