Misty Beethoven: The Musical

MOVIE TYPE: Feature

127 Mins.

VCA

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DIRECTOR: Veronica Hart

THEMES: Comedy, Hookers, Production

CONDOMS: Some Noted

2004

4/03

STARS: Sunset Thomas, Chloe. Randy Spears, Julie Meadows, Chris Cannon, Trevor Zen, Evan Stone, Asia Carrera, Barrett Blade, Kelly Steele, Dick Nasty, Hamilton Steele, Michelle Lay, Ava Vincent, Misty Mason, Venus, Mike Horner, JT Cannon, Tyce Bune, Malitia, AJ, Dave Cummings, Lezley Zen, Mia Smiles & FJ Lincoln.

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REVIEW-

When you review as much porn as I do you sometimes find yourself praying for something different to come alone. Something has to break up the endless streams of gaping assholes, cum swallowing and couch porn. Usually a good feature can take care of that, but this time Veronica Hart is taking it one step further. A musical! Oh man. Musicals are risky business in mainstream, but an X-rated musical is unheard of. Well maybe someone has heard of one, but I haven’t seen one in the two decades I’ve been watching smut. (After hearing some porn stars turned recording artists, I don’t think this was an idea that really needed to be approached.) This DVD comes as part of a three disc set. The movie, a bonus disc and the soundtrack are included. We’ll have to see if it’s worth popping into the CD player once the flick is finished.

Not only is this a musical, but it is a remake of a golden age classic “Opening of Misty Beethoven.” I have to admit that I saw the original so long ago that I really don’t remember much about it. (I know that’s like not remembering that Rosebud is a sleigh and all, but I was looking for Christy Canyon’s tits, not a well thought out script.) I guess that puts me at an advantage. I can’t really compare it to the original and can honestly judge this movie on its own merits.

The movie opens with Randy Spears being blown in an alley by Chloe. For anyone wondering if the word musical in the title was just for show that is put to rest as the credits roll. Spears is belting out a song as his dick disappears into Chloe’s skilled mouth. He stops the song and gives a monologue comparing a cock to a musical instrument. Apparently Chloe is really good at playing the skin flute because she gets a big load pumped right onto her cheeks and lips.

Spears is a high-powered guy who loves sex. He is a bit of a snob who gives a long speech before things break out into song again. His prick breaks out into song. (Yeah it’s just as insane as it sounds.) It’s a catchy tune with some cute dance steps to back it up. As the song dies down, Spears gives us the background for the story. Like in the original, he and Chloe want to take a common street whore and make her a star.

They end up in a club that is wall to wall sex. Kelly Steele seems to be the main attraction, getting fucked at either end by Dick Nasty and Hamilton Steele. To this point the sex has mostly been background action, but they take her all the way home, pumping loads of hot cum onto her face.

At the back of club Spears finds Sunset Thomas. She is giving an uninspired hand job to Dave Cummings. Having found his girl, Spears goes after her. She’s a horrible hooker, but says she can sing. When he spells out the million dollar offer if he can turn her into something hot, the gum-chomping whore can’t resist. They stop into a club where Julie Meadows is belting out a song on stage. Taking a break from her singing, she drops between two guys and starts sucking cock. She gives the guys great head and then treats the audience to a full-on three way. Trevor Zen slips on a condom and nails her from behind while her mouth stays full of Chris Cannon’s meat. With the music pounding hard in the background, Julie takes both guys at once. The action is shot with a quick-cut style, but there is still some damn good heat from the DP. Her performance ends with two hot loads fired onto her face and breasts.

Spears runs into the original Misty’s mentor and gets head from Mia Smiles has the old man shares his wisdom. Somehow I don’t think Randy is about to heed his warnings. Sadly the blowjob is just a tease and we don’t get to see Mia splattered with hot jizz.

They give Sunset a make-over, change her hair color and Spears has her working on her oral technique for a while. Over time she goes from being repulsed by the porn he shows to being excited about trying out some of the wild things she sees. She overhears some harsh talk from Chloe and Randy and that leads us the next song. Sunset doesn’t lip-sync as well as some of the others, but hers is not the silliest musical number. That honor goes to the singing butlers who belt out a cheesy song while Sunset blows all three of them to completion.

The next step in making Sunset a star is to hook her up with a love-struck record producer played by Evan Stone. He is hopelessly in lust with singer Asia Carrera and sings while we watch her working up a sweat with her band mate and lover Barrett Blade. Music aside, it’s always good to watch Asia work a cock with her mouth. The brief blowjob gives way to some mish and doggy. Barrett leaves his load all over her pussy.

On her way to New York, Sunset is nervous. Chloe clams her down with a nice chat and by sending Michelle Lay in to lick her pretty pussy. In a movie that is already short on full sex scenes, a girl/girl is kind of a drag, especially when Michelle isn’t nearly as hot as some of the other girls in the cast. Sunset does look good as she gets plugged with a vibrator and then gets down to some good pussy licking. They finish by sharking opposite ends of a double dildo with Chloe holding the middle to give it more stability .Sunset certainly seems ready to take on the Big Apple and anything else that gets near her mouth.

She quickly impresses Evan with her voice and that leads to an easy seduction. They use one of the tables in the studio to get comfortable. He gives her full strokes from the start, warming up her pussy before taking a break to let her suck his dick. Having learned her lessons well, she knows just how to work her hands and mouth to keep him throbbing. Sunset gets on top of him and works her hips to perfection. Even dumps his load onto her stomach and I have to say that Sunset has some of the best abs I’ve ever seen. There isn’t an ounce of fat on this part of her body. Amazing.

As you might expect, Sunset decides to tell Randy to go fuck himself once she gets her record deal. She ends up doing a finale on stage with Chloe fucking Randy as everyone watches. It’s hard to figure out exactly what to pay attention to here. Do we enjoy these two going at it, or listen for the story’s conclusion in Sunset’s song? Doing both works pretty well.

It’s hard to know exactly where to begin with this movie. Clearly it is an original ride and Veronica Hart should be very proud of what she has created. An X-rated musical that features the actual singing voices of the porn stars who star in the movie is quite an achievement. A few of the performers have pretty good voices though some of the lip-syncing is pretty hilarious. The story is pretty good with or without the songs. Some of the songs are catchy and others would make a good start to a VH1 special called “The 50 most horrible songs lip-synced by porn stars ever.” Don’t watch this movie if you are looking for great sex scenes. Hart manages to push the sex so far into the background that even Sunset, Julie and Chloe can barely spark things with their scenes. Generally pushing sex to the background would cause the overall grade to plummet, but in this case it seems to fit. I think that Veronica Hart has created the most original adult movie of the year and at the same time she has proven that we probably don’t need another adult musical any time before the Olsen Twins have legal daughters of their own.

The behind the scenes disc is packed with extras including behind the scenes stuff that is really interesting. Veronica Hart also gives an interview talking about the then and now of Misty. There are some bonus scenes as well, taken from other VCA movies. (Featured in the movie as training films for Misty.) Any time you get Ginger, Marilyn and Juli Ashton as bonus scenes, it’s a good thing. Add to that a third disc with the soundtrack and you have a full evening of entertainment. The music by the way…well there are some catchy tunes. Julie can sing pretty well and Randy Spears has that musical theater/comedy thing going for him.


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