Ass Clowns



MOVIE TYPE: Vignette

137 Mins.

Extreme Associates

DIRECTOR: Thomas Zupko

THEMES: Rough Sex, Religious Imagery




STARS: Kendra Jade, Taylor St. Claire, Cat Langer, Amber Woods, Brian Surewood, Luciano, Claudio, Valentino, Rod Fontana, Tyce Bune, Mark Woods, Brandon Irons, Anthony Crane, Jake Lawless


It seems that Extreme Associates if finally rolling out the complete works of Thomas Zupko on DVD. I just got a box with just about every movie he has ever directed. That means taking a look at some of the greatest hits, his greatest misses and in this case, checking out a movie I didn’t review on video when it came out. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Zupko’s work, I should warn you, it’s never a smooth ride. His images are shocking, disturbing and sometimes downright disgusting. If you’ve got a weak stomach or aren’t ready for something edgy, then you might want to look for something else. His movies are an unflinching look at sexuality that is often dark, sometimes degrading and never politically correct. Ask Zupko if he cares and you’re not likely to enjoy the answer. This is not your father’s porn and anyone who isn’t down with Zupko’s vision (Including me sometimes) is welcome to kiss his prominent posterior.

This nightmare vision begins with a frustrated married couple, Claudio and Sharon Kane. They are quite disappointed in their wayward daughter. Apparently the young lady (Taylor St. Claire) does nothing but watch soap operas all day and dream of being with her daytime TV idol, Luciano. While Sharon and Claudio exchange dialog ripping their young daughter, Taylor is upstairs stuffing her holes with eager fingers. They even make her try and read, mocking her terribly as she struggles. This sends Taylor back to her room where her fantasy man comes and makes everything all better. Her fantasies turn ugly when Luciano smacks her around a bit. He peels back his scalp and pulls some goo from inside his skull. Using that to lube her ass and smear all over her pretty face, Looch really is the fantasy fuck from Hell. Taylor settles in quickly though, taking his cock in her mouth and pussy as he continues to spit on her face and slap those buns. He punishes her throughout the scene, eventually working into her tight asshole. I don’t like sex that is this hard, but if you do, this is a well shot hard sex scene and both performers do a great job. He really tears up her ass and Taylor gets big time credit for taking him perfectly. The big facial would be hot if there wasn’t so much shit all over her face. Taylor fans will enjoy this harder side of her.

The next scene looks like a meeting of a charismatically challenged support group. Claudio, Brian Surewood, Valentino and Rod Fontana sit around talking about all the whores they have fucked. (Yeah, these guys look like the pay-for-tang crowd.) Claudio’s daughter, Kat Langer, brings in some drinks and he screams at her while the other guys grope at her and laugh. Switching from abusive to freaky mode, Zupko has a fantasy sequence where Kat is done up in silver body paint, sucking on Valentio’s cock while he is sporting a pink angel costume. Rod is sporting a black wig with a built in head wound as he moves in from behind. Claudia has a bunny suit on and Brian shows up dressed a lizard. Lost in all the costume fun is the fact that this naturally busty chick gets the living shit fucked out of her asshole. It’s way too freaky for my taste, but this is all about the imagery and it’s way fucking weird.

Amber Woods and Mark Wood are making out in a car. She pulls out a condom to try and help him deal with the hard on in his shorts. Officers Luciano and Valentino catch the lovers and you know where this is going. After they plant drugs in the car, the cops do a full body cavity search on poor Amber. The sun goes down, but it’s the situation the gets really dark. In no time at all, Amber is doing a whole lot more than just sucking dick and there isn’t a condom in sight. Looch and Val tag team her mouth and pussy, teaching her what happens when you cross the law. Amber gets fucked deep and hard in ass while poor Mark has to watch them DP her and shoot on her face. To make matters worse, her father (Claudio again) shows up. He is angry that his daughter is such a whore and shows his displeasure by forcing his cock down her throat until he shoots another load onto her face.

Taylor is back, this time in a blonde wig and playing a very bitchy girl. With conceit flowing from every pore she talks on the phone to her friend. She loves herself and is far too good to give up her pussy to a guy before marriage. When the pizza guy shows up, Taylor gives him a major dose of attitude. Brian Surewood isn’t the kind of guy to take kindly to that sort of thing. He forces Taylor down onto the bed and rips the expensive dress from her body. As he violates her with his fingers, we cut back to Taylor’s bitchy phone call. OK, lots of guys would probably love to see their own prom queen’s get exactly this kind of four finger attention, but it’s just a tad too hard for my taste. She does look good sucking cock and even manages to play her part well. Brian makes her kneel and goes straight into her stuck up ass. The anal in this scene is very good, even better than the opener since there isn’t a bunch of goop all over her body and face. In the middle of the action, Sharon Kane comes in with clown make up on and shoves a big dildo into Taylor’s mouth. She is helping get even her for all the other stuck up bitches in the world. Claudio also gets in on the action that leaves Taylor with cum all over her prom queen face.

Now for the final scene and it’s a doozey. Kendra Jade is lying on some hay playing with herself while Anthony Crane reads from the Bible. Zupko loves to mix religious imagery with sex. Nothing makes me lose interest faster than this, but I know some of you really get off on it. To make things even more strange, Kendra has worms all over her body as she is fucked by three guys in red body paint. Kendra does a nice job of taking this hard fucking in all of her holes, but I just can’t get into a scene with all of the other stuff going on. In the end, Kendra gets DP’d and wears four loads of cum on her red streaked face. As a final act, she rips up the Bible and shoves a page up her ass.

This movie really is Zupko at his nutty best, or worst depending on how you look at it. Ass Clowns isn’t a full feature like some of his other work, so we miss a lot of what I think he does best. Instead, this is a series of scenes that are hard, shocking and mostly well shot. I could do without a lot of the quick cut editing that just get in the way when it’s time to wank. If you like the rougher stuff, then you are really going to love the way Taylor gets brutalized and lit up in her two scenes. It’s not my idea of a great jerk off movie, but it’s wild, it’s hard-core and pure Zupko.

As a DVD, this is a nice effort. I would really like to see some director commentary on some of Zupko’s work. We don’t get any of that, or a behind the scenes reel that might have been really interesting. Instead, we get a bunch of trailers and a bonus scene. There is also a photo gallery, but as far as bonus stuff, the Kristi Myst oral gang bang scene is a great addition to this movie. In fact, this is as good a scene to jerk off to as anything in the movie. It’s Kristi at her filthy best.

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