Cooze Missiles


111 Mins
DIRECTOR: Compilation
THEMES: Young Girls, Anal Sex
STARS: Stevie, Vanessa Blue, Candi Daze, Daphne, Summer Storm, Gauge, Brandi Lyons

The folks at Armageddon don’t really mess around when it comes to sex videos. They pretty much take the girls, turn on the cameras and let the fucking begin. This movie even starts before I can finish talking about just how meat and potatoes this is going to be. Often, the women in these movies leave something to be desired and I’m not about to proclaim this cast the best looking lot in all of porn. However, we do get Stevie who I find appealing in that unattainable sex dream sort of way. It also has Gauge who is a pure fucktoy and Candi Daze who is bound to make a few fans with the P4P crowd.
Gauge and Brandi Lyons start out with a little trash talking. Each girl thinks she is a superior slut and their men watch as the girls start to fight. I can’t think of a time when two such scary looking suitcase pimps got together to wager on their women, but trust me when I say the action in the ring is as hot as these guys are scary. In come the guys to test their cock sucking. Give Gauge the early lead because she looks better naked and sucks dick harder and faster than Brandy. (Though Brandy’s dude is carrying the bigger fuckstick.) Both of them drool a lot, getting the camera all sticky. When they switch, Gauge manages to handle the bigger cock better and even gives us a very hot double blowjob. Brandi tries to keep up and does manage to get both dicks in her mouth at once, but round one goes to the hillbilly honey. Back with their original guys, the chicks do a side by side reverse cowgirl which puts Gauge further in the lead thanks to her tight little body and perfect boobs. After bending the girls over the ring ropes, the guys switch and make them kiss during doggy. That leads us to the final test, anal sex. Everyone is back with the partner they started with and I hate to sound like a broken record, but Gauge is even a better butt slut. Brandi does get credit for taking a lot of cock in her tight pooper, but it’s just not enough to knock Gauge from her pedestal as queen of the backwoods fantasy sluts. Nice facials for both women to close things out.
Stevie appears next, being interviewed by Andy Armageddon. She was supposed to shoot with Luciano, but doesn’t do anal. Instead, Andy gets to play with the busty brunette for a while. He talks to her for a bit, but really just wants her on her knees sucking his cock. There is something very attractive and unattainable about Stevie’s look, but she defies that when she starts sucking cock. She looks like a spoiled rich wife who doubles as a cheap whore on the side. (and that, for those who are wondering, is a compliment.) Some more eye contact would be great, but all in all, this girl gives fantastic head and we get all from Andy’s POV. When he’s close to popping, she wraps those big tits around his cock for a perfect tit fuck ending.
That was just a warm up for Luciano. Stevie strokes his cock with her hands, getting hard before moving her pretty mouth down to lick the length. She reminds me of a cross between Kristi Myst and Nici Sterling which again, is a very good thing. Working her mouth as best she can, Stevie manages about half of his rod, making up for this lack of depth with a lot of tongue action. When she gets on top of him, Stevie holds still at first, letting him plow her pussy a while before grinding her hips to increase the rhythm. In the spoon position we get a great view of her very long and lovely legs. More of this would have been nice, but it’s hard to complain when she moves into RC which lets us see the legs, the pussy and the tits perfectly. Moving around behind her, Looch makes sure to get at Stevie’s puss from every angle. Closing this scene perfectly, Luciano drops a huge cum bomb on her face, plastering one eye and leaving her face streaked with liquid lust.
Daphne is a bit titted blonde who is already sucking a circle of hard cock when her scene begins. This one comes from one of the Blow Bang movies so you know it’s her job to get every guy in the room off using her mouth and hands. Far from a raving beauty, this girl does has some huge tits and seems right at home sucking off a whole bunch of guys in a row. The men certainly enjoy the eager way she wolfs down dick, even clowning her a bit about sucking strange dick. If you like group oral and repeated facial shots, you may be able to over look Daphne’s lack of visual appeal.
Candy Daze is a fairly dim looking little blonde with pert tits and a very silly tattoo in a strategic place. Of course, when Mark Wood enters the room, Candy suddenly doesn’t look so dim anymore. How this guy landed in porn is a mystery to me. How Candy ended up in porn is quite clear. She’s young, semi-cute and willing to suck the dick of dorky strangers for pocket change. That she does it fairly well is a bonus and I’m sure will get he hired for other movies. When she starts bouncing on his cock we can see what happens to cute nineteen year old girls who exercise less than porn critics do. She’s thin, but really soft and more appealing when on her back having that snug young snatch filled. I have to give her credit for being able to act like fucking Mark is something she would actually enjoy doing in between MTV reality shows on a Friday night. He manages to paint her face with go, which is the highlight of the scene.
Vanessa Blue runs into a very insistent Luciano. He is going to start out with those big black titties and not stop until she’s been totally stuffed. I like the tight jeans she’s got on as she starts sucking, but soon they come and she’s buck naked slobbering on his cock. After letting her do a very good job, he sits on the couch and grabs to hands full of thick, black ass as she rides that rod hard enough to break some men. I see the word Amazonian tossed around a lot, but when she turns around to straddle him, this woman looks like the chocolate Wonder Woman. Legs that long and tits that big are going to scare some men, but Luciano hangs in long enough to pump that pierced pussy. Even lying on her back, she looks big and not just because of her super sized hooters. Against her dark skin, his huge load is even more visible. Another solid fuck.
Summer Storm is a thin blonde with tiny tits, a huge tattoo across her ass and the misfortune of drawing Mark Wood in the dick lottery. She puts on some heels and panties and we’re ready to begin. Wood slips out of his pants and helps her suck his cock. Help in this case being his hand on her head. When we’re just looking at Summer’s face as she sucks cock, she has some appeal, it’s when we see her inked up back side that I lose it. Something happens in between the sucking and the fucking that they don’t show us. Maybe it’s just me, but I kind of hope she puked all over him. All kidding aside, Mark does manage to stay hard long enough to fuck her pretty well. He even holds her off the ground during some pretty hot standing reverse cowgirl. While Mark stands around trying to get his dick back hard, Summer actually propositions a few of the PA’s. I don’t know where he goes, but he comes back in time to pop on her face. Summer deserved better, but she won be over in the end.
I think this tape should have been more clearly marked as a compilation, but that’s pretty common for porn these days. I kind of liked the opening fuck off, mostly because Gauge is a very wild little fuck Toy. Stevie turns in the best scenes, sucking and tit fucking Andy before her proper initiation into porn. Candy’s scene isn’t bad and Summer manages to bring some heat in hers as well. Daphne just isn’t very good looking so her scene is good only if you’re looking multi-pop oral stuff. Not a bad compilation, but if you were expecting original material, you might be disappointed.

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