SHANGHAI POON
OVERALL RATING: 5+
85 Mins.
DIRECTOR: Spike Leigh
Sin City
THEMES: Asian Girls
CONDOMS: Some Noted
2001
8/00
STARS: Jade Marcella, Kamiko, Bamboo, Aaliyah Yi, Hana Ku, Mark Wood, Claudio, A. Swartzenpecker, Dave Hardman, Jeff Centauri, Mark Mars, Joe, Toby Dammit.
REVIEW:
The mainstream success of last year?s Charlie?s Angels has already spawned a few porn parodies. I didn?t expect this to be one of them until the first scene. After getting her pretty face creamed, Kamiko kicks the shit out of the scumbag who tired the old dump and run routine on her. The diminutive little cutie goes Bruce Lee on his ass and it?s clear that this movie is going to share the wood right out of the dicks of misogynists everywhere. Jade Marcella, Aaliyah Yi and Kamiko make up a crack team of Asian agents known as the WAD squad. As the movie opens, they find out that an international terrorist, played by Claudio, has been set free. Their mission is clear, get him back behind bars where he belongs.
Jade has a meeting in a restaurant with reporter Mark Wood. The girls need his help luring Claudio out into the open. Wood is naturally worried about his personal safety, but isn?t about to turn down some hot sex from Jade. This scene could use a bit more light, but Jade looks good, trim and up for anything as always. This is before Wood went nuts and died his hair white so he?s not impossible to watch here. Known for her wet blowjobs, Jade doesn?t disappoint, slobbering all over Mark?s cock until it?s dripping and ready to stuff her snug little snatch. She rolls him over and starts riding, sticking her little ass out as she grinds her hips. A high energy fuck, Jade grants Mark access to her ass with a smile on her face. Her little legs are spread high and wide for the anal and her mouth is open just as wide so that Mark can spray her lips and tongue with his seed.
Meanwhile, Claudio sends his henchmen out to kill the WAD squad. There is some amusing dialog here, but it?s the next sex scene that?s really worth mentioning. Kamiko is in bed with some guy. If the last scene needed a little more light, this one must have been shot during a rolling blackout. Memo to the directors, turn on a frigging light will you. Kamiko looks fantastic as always, especially when she?s stuffing as much cock into her mouth as humanly possible. This little babe puts her whole body into it and what a hot little bod it is. After letting him taste her cookie for a bit, Kamiko gets in the saddle and starts riding. Great low angle shots of her precious little ass as she rides. That butt stays in the center of the shot when she bends over, sticking it out and looking back over her shoulder as he does his very best muffin stuffin. Better shots of her pussy come as she goes reverse cowgirl for a long time. Best of all, this guy shoots an incredible fucking load all over her face. Her cheeks, chin, eyes, mouth and hair all take serious jizz as pretty Kamiko does her best to lick the last few drops from his cock. Other than the low light problem, this is just about perfect.
Aaliyah shows off her fighting skills in the next scene, taking on a pair of thugs and leaving them wishing they had stayed in school. OK, so this isn?t the best movie fight scene you?ll ever see, but it?s better than most porn action sequences and besides, it?s a chick in a bikini kicking ass. From there we move into a hotel room where Dave Hardman is working over Bamboo. Not as pretty as the girls of the WAD squad, Bamboo somehow rated lights for her scene. After working through the oral, Dave lies the chick on her back and slips a condom on before fucking her. The energy level is about on par with the eye candy level in this scene, making it a really good time to get up and go get something to drink before another hot chick comes on. The facial isn?t too bad, but the only good thing about this scene is the lighting.
As Claudio tires to find new men to help him kill the WAD squad, we find out that he used to be married to Aaliyah. Naturally we flash back to happier times when he was feasting on her big tits and smooth skin. She?s a little soft in the middle with shapely thighs and a big butt. Other than a few small tats, she?s got great skin and a nice looking face. Best off all, she really works during her blowjobs. Check out the tongue action as she snakes it along the underside of his shaft while her mouth is stuffed. While they fuck, Hana Ku is showing less skill and charisma than what?s going on in the real life flashback. On screen, Hana looks chubby and could use a more complete shave job, but her pussy is juicy and very inviting. Back on the couch, Aaliya looks much better as she gets plowed. The leggy girl has a really set of tits on her and shows great energy while bouncing up and down on Claudio?s stick. When Hana rides, she jiggles in all the wrong places, making her scene more of a distraction that really makes no sense. After Hana gets it in her chunky ass, both women take facials. Frankly, I think we missed out what would have been a good scene by having it cut with a pretty dismal one.
There was the start of a fairly cute little comedy here, but it sort of fizzles out. The fight scenes are well done ad worth a smile or two. Claudio actually works as the crazed villain, making me wish there had been a better completion to this story. Most of the sex is pretty good, with Kamiko turning in the best scene. Too bad she?s only around for one turn. Jade also only fucks once, making this a sadly wasted cast. There are some lighting issues during a couple of the scenes and the final cross cut action is pretty disappointing. More of Jade, Kamiko and butt kicking chicks could have made this a really good movie. As is, it?s got some moments, but not much more.