Sling Babes


74 Mins.
Tight Ends- 1997
DIR: Rod Fontana
STARS: Ursula Moore, Randee Lee, Sheila Stanton, Justine Riage, Shelbee Myne, Paul Cox, John West, Dick Nasty, Jack Hammer, Rod Fontana, Kyle Stone.
THEMES: Hanging Sexual Device.
Rod Fontana and Tight Ends video have done some very promising stuff of late. While I have blasted Rod pretty hard for his over the top, would be Max routine as well as his insistence to put himself in all of his movies, he has shown promise when he is behind the camera. In this video, which features a modified version of the love swing used in Seymore Butts videos, the women all fuck in this bungee sling thing. That, and a very bad Billy Bob Thornton imitation, give this video its title. The problem is, I have never seen any of these women before and with nothing to help me, I am going to pretty much have to go without identifying anyone.
A decent looking brunette opens things up in the sling, which seems to be in a dark warehouse. The sling puts the woman at just the right height for a good, hard standing fuck from her guy and lets the camera get down low for some nice close up penetration shots. It also allows for great shots of hanging doggie, which really shows off her body. Still, once the novelty wears thin, it gets a bit tedious. A lame belly pop shot does not help matters. Still, watchable, but not outstanding.
The next fairly good looking sling-babe takes on two cocks, and she seems quite ready to fuck them both. Yet another anonymous woman suspended in mid air being fucked by a couple of guys, nothing to really set this scene apart. At times, this woman really shines, but the material here is so dull and lifeless that I just can’t get into it at all. You know, better lighting might help. Basically, it is a waste of a decent starlet in a well below average scene.
I would love to ask Rod if he thinks his terrible Billy Bob imitation is supposed to funny, because it is sad and rather pathetic. The third scene is as nondescript as the others, with a decent looking woman, rather lifelessly fucking in the sling. Is there anything worse than average looking women in poorly directed sex scenes? No offense to the woman, but this has zero sexual interest for me. No heat, no passion, not even a name to go with the face. This one does anal, but before it’s done, I have already grabbed the remote, hoping to scan through this as quickly as possible.
By this time do you get the impression I am bored senseless? At least the next scene gets away from the dreary warehouse for a little fucking under the sun. In spite being able to at least see the woman, the presence of tattooed freak boy Jack Hammer tells me early on that this scene is going to have even less charisma. Does any woman like fucking this mutant? This woman does a fair job of it, but she just isn’t that great an actress. In fact, the best part about this scene is that it is the best one of a bad bunch. Very little chemistry, and almost no sexual heat whatsoever.
Once more, we go back into the warehouse for a girl girl scene between two of the earlier slingers. It has gotten to the point where if there is not a damn good reason for me to watch girl girl scenes, I would rather just skip them. Since neither of the women are particularly striking and there are no creative or relevant reasons to watch, I pretty much just scanned right on through this completely mundane pairing. At least the girls talk to each other a bit, showing that they are not just mindless robots going through the motions. Then, to make a bad situation worse, the girls pull Rod into their grip. It’s bad enough when this obnoxious, wanna be Max Hardcore with no wood is in his own scenes, but now he is still doing his fucking Billy Bob. This is absolutely unwatchable and inexcusable. Rod, find someone else to be in your fucking movies will you please? It wastes whatever miniscule talents you might have a director. Bad lighting, bad camera work, and pitiful Rod barking out his little orders and insults make this one of the least pleasurable experiences I can imagine. (Rog laughs himself off the chair thinking of a better title for this move “Rod Wood-less”)
I just really hate the idea of a bunch of women who all look the same and fuck with the same bored, glazed look on their faces. There is no plot here, which is fine, but no heat either, and that is unforgivable. Rod Fontana, behind the camera, is capable of some pretty fine stuff. This, however, is not one of his finer moments. His on screen appearance is, of course, the low light of a video filled with low moments. Literally, a complete waste of time.

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