120 Mins.

Metro- 1997

DIR: Philip Mond

STARS: Sasha Vinni, Gina LaMarca, Anna Romero, Grace Harlow, Brooke Lane, Lene Hefner, Nikie St. Gilles, Henena, Antonio Valentino, Kevin James, Drew Reese, Devin and Jon.

THEMES: Mermaids, soft X style, lesbian sex (EXTENSIVE)

OVERALL RATING: 2+ (Visually stunning for those of you who like the Playboy style.)


I get a little suspicious anytime I see this many Penthouse girls in one cast. I know a lot of people seek these women out because they all tend to be rather beautiful, but they also seem to be more than a bit dull on screen. With all the pre release hype that went along with this movie seeming to point to an Andrew Blake like lez fest, I have to admit that I was less than overwhelmed with the desire to rush right out and grab it.

As it turns out, a lot of my fears about this project were right on the mark. The technical aspects are incredibly good, and from the first moments, this tape looks just like a Playboy or Penthouse video. Lots of quick cutting, symbolically placed flowers, artificially colored sets and make up and precious little hardcore action. The opening girl girl scene has some really nice half underwater shots, but other than being a visual delight, there is nothing really to recommend. Clearly this is more for the person who dislikes porn and wants to see just a little more than you can get from Playboy. I got bored pretty quickly.

Star Sasha Vinni pairs up with all time dull blonde Lene Hefner for a little shaving as a precursor to some lukewarm lesbian action. Then some fake tattooing is supposed to lead to a girl boy girl three way, but I scanned right on through the minute they started painting Lene’s pedals. (And yes, I did get the whole pussy = flower symbolism, AGAIN!) Lene gets fucked while Penthouse girl (And mega bitch) Sasha stands by playing with her overpriced pussy. Lene even takes a mouthful of cum, but that is about all there is to see here.

Having seen Gina LaMarca in Breeders and in person and being quite impressed with her, I was waiting around to see what she did in this video. Unfortunately, but predictably, she gets together for a three way lesbian scene. Maybe I just wasn’t in the right mood, but I found myself starting to agree with my buddy max volume on the permanent banning of all girl girl scenes. (How about a modified rule, no Penthouse women can be in porn unless they agree to fuck a guy at least half of the time.) I mean, I am not even half way through this tape, and already I have zero interest in finishing it. (See how I suffer for you people?) Granted, dildos mounted on the backs of shoes is an interesting twist. In fact, it is the only thing that got my finger off the fast forward button throughout most of the middle third of this video. The flower masturbation scene that follows certainly had me reaching for my remote again quicker than you can say, “This makes Vivid look like fucking Euro Sleaze.”

An artsy Greek mythology three girl one guy scene has potential, but quickly falls prey to the style over substance virus that infects this entire video. While one side of me loves the visual artistry of the work, it reminds me of the mainstream film “The Piano.” Taken as individual still shots, many of the images are off the chart beautiful, cinematic brilliance, however as a piece of moving art, it is cold and lifeless. (When was the last time three Penthouse chicks fingering themselves and taking turn sucking cock was compared to an art film about a mute woman and showcased Harvey Kietel’s member?) Hey, one of the Penthouse chicks takes it in the ass, but by now, I am too bored to even figure out which one.

Next is a black and white boy girl scene with an OK looking woman. Black and white works great in artsy still shoots in Penthouse, or even for brief moments in porn films to set a mood, but a whole scene with no color just ends up looking gray and bland. This is certainly the best hetero action on the tape, but the moderately attractive woman and her tattooed love boy barely move the mercury enough to take notice.

A nicely crafted lesbian mermaid scene on water adds to the artistic level of the video, and give some rare genuine heat, but once again the majority of the scene is lukewarm at best.

There is a final lesbian hook up with what looks like some interesting anal insertion of a tail thing on this devil chick, but to be honest, I was fast forwarding through it while writing this summary. I know, I am supposed to like the creative side to porn, and usually I do. However, leave the artistically brilliant stuff to Playboy and other soft X companies. I don’t see the obsession some people have with these Penthouse women. Most of them are no better looking on film then Ashlyn, Kaitlyn, Asia or Tiffany, and least those four women know how to fuck. To say I disliked this video is actually an insult to those lukewarm fuck vids I dislike. I felt after this one that I had wasted two hours of time on something that might have made a nice ten minutes worth of still photo viewing. It is, in the end, not something I would recommend to any of my usual readers.

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