DATE FROM HELL
OVERALL RATING: 9
DIRECTOR: Jonathan Morgan
THEMES: Comedy, plot porn.
STARS: Serenity, Johnni Black, Leanna Heart, Mandi Frost, Ian Daniels, Wilde Oscar, Steve Drake, Tony Tedeschi, Ron Jeremy and Michael Louis Albo.
Yes, I know, I have a thing for porn with a plot. Not that I think it’s the most important thing in a smut film, clearly, it is not. However, in this day of microwave porn, dominated by gonzo and wall to wall sex vids (Not a damn thing wrong with them by the way.) it is a rare treat to see something that was actually written down before it was filmed. It’s even more rare to find one that was actually well written and hey, this one is up for some awards, so that has to mean?..nahhh, too early for sarcasm. Besides, it might actually be good, then I’ll have to go through this whole long explanation and who wants to read that? (Speaking of?.MOVE ON.) Anyway, I have enjoyed watching Jonathan Morgan’s directorial efforts and this foray into comedy seems to have all the elements of a successful fuck flick, an attractive and hot cast, decent performers in key leads and of course, a theme we can all relate to, bad dates. (No, not the Indiana Jones kind.)
Four people, Serenity, Steve Hatcher, Johnni Black and Steve Drake, sit nervously in a room. They are all waiting for a man who is late, causing Serenity fits of panic. What they don’t know, and what we are told by narrator Jonathan Morgan (In B & W with Rod Serling-esque tones) is that they all share the bond of the bad date. Finally, the mystery man (Ron Jeremy) arrives. He is a “Date from Hell” support counselor and wants them all to share their stories.
Serenity goes first, telling how she answered a personal ad and hit it off with the guy on the other end of the phone. As she waits for him to pick her up, Serenity fantasizes about what their date will be like. She shares some wonderfully cheesy dialog with Tony Tedeschi before the two are overcome by passion and tear each other’s clothes off in the middle of the resturant. As usual, she looks stunning and once Tony has her down to her stockings and garter belt, he samples her inviting puss. This tasty treat gets him so hard that Tony is ready to rock. Condom in place he screws is beautiful blonde date right there on the table. (And before the entr饠even, isn’t that considered bad form?) Serenity is quit loud in this high energy mish, but it is in reverse cowgirl and then the standing doggy where her perfect legs and ass are on display. To end things, we get Serenity on her knees, and actually hear her say “Cum on my face”. This is a rare treat, but Tony blows it big time. He only manages one drop of jizz That’s all you can manage to decorate one of the prettiest face on the planet? Tony, Tony, Tony, that is criminal. It’s as disappointing to us as her real date is to Serenity. As soon as he actually arrives, the suave dream man disappears and to nightmare begins. There is some well written dialog here and both Tedeschi and Serenity handle it well. I won’t spoil it, but my favorite line has to be “My fantasy lover turned into Zippy the pinhead.” Her date from Hell has kept the blonde one from dating since.
Moving on to Steve Hatcher, the group hears how he became fed up with his blow up woman and decided to go for the real thing. To increase his chances of scoring with a flesh and blood babe, Hatch went the professional route and hired himself a date. As he waits, we see him go through a number of personas, all of which are worth a good laugh. He drifts off to sleep and dreams of a steamy encounter with Leanna Heart. (Someone on the net was asking about porn babes who look like Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Leanna comes somewhat close here.) This pretty working girl goes right to town, pro-sucking his cock without even asking for cash up front. Leanna looks stunning in her tight blue outfit and actually stays dressed during the brief but hot oral section of the scene. The petite brunette spreads her thighs for a long, hard screw on the couch with Hatcher giving her seeminly everything he has. Although her implants stand out a bit too much on her thin frame, Leanna also looks quite fetching in reverse cowgirl, especially since she is so enthusiastic in her fucking. Plenty of wet close ups in this position and this woman’s pussy looks as tight as anyone could ever hope for. Hell, if working girls were this hot and this tight, who would need porn vids? She even takes it in the mouth and what are the chances Steve would have scored a babe like that in the amateur ranks? So, it was perfect right? Well, don’t forget, it was a dream. The reality is quite horrific.
Serenity can’t wait to tell another horror story so the group endulges her once again. This time, she tells of a guy she had been dating for about a month. Finally deciding to sleep with the lucky guy (Ian Daniels), Serenity arrives to find him in the dark. Instead of sending up red flags, his odd behavior is mistaken for a romantic gesture and Serenity bares her incredible breasts for a little nipple nibbling. The couple exchanges oral sex for a few mintues, with a short, but nut busting blowjob followed by longer shots of Ian enjoying a tasty treat between perfect thighs. Their date seems to be going very well, especially when Ian starts pumping his gorgous new friend full of hard dick. They both seem to be quite into it, particularly when Serenity is lowering her almost totally bald pussy down onto his throbbing cock. When Ian finally announce his impending shot, Serenity slips down to her knees and we get a second facial on that most lovely of mugs. Things should be great for the couple except for one small problem. You’ll have to tune in for yourself to find out what secret Ian is hiding that sends Serenity running in terror from the house.
Johnni Black relates her tales of internet chatting gone terribly wrong. She meets the man of her dreams, a European prince who must wed an American to save his country. With visions of a huge wedding dancing in her pretty head, Johnni meets her dream guy, (Wilde Oscar) who whisks her away in his limo. Obviously taken by his charm, Johnni is ready to rock in the back seat. The picture is a little washed out here, due to the harsh sunlight, but any time you get to watch Johnni with her mouth around a cock, it’s porn magic. This woman is so hot for dick it’s impossible to imagine many things finer than feeling her lips press against the base of your cock during one of her long, deep throat strokes. She takes all that the prince has with not problem at all before mounting him and bouncing hard enough to seriously fuck with the shocks on this vehicle. (By the way, those who keep telling me Wicked is all condom, there is no rubber in this scene.) Even in the tight confines of the limo, they manage a high energy fuck that ends with Oscar dropping his nut on her pussy. Like all the others though, her date ends badly with some shocking news.
The last member to get his turn is Steve Drake who seems to have found the perfect girl in Mandi Frost. She is cute, smart, loves old movies and makes the first move sexually. I’m sure something will go wrong, but first, we get to watch this lovely female sepcimine get nice and friendly with Steve on his couch. Stripping her down to just her white socks and red bra, Steve gives her pussy a thorough licking and even tastes her asshole a bit as well. I don’t recall ever seeing this redhead before, but she knows her way around a dick so well, she must be majoring in fellatio. With his cock now stiff and slick, Mandi slides her smooth pussy lips down over his shaft and gives a performance that could just as easily be a tryout for the US gymnastics team. Damn, that girl can fuck and don’t real boobs look great bouncing up and down in RC? Her rousing fuck works a nice load from Steve’s dick and hearing her beg for the shot finally pushes him over the edge for a gooey streamer across her outstretched tongue. Unfortunately, all that sexual energy comes with a shitload of baggage that comes out in some more, very funny, non sex dialog.
With all these horror stories around her, Serenity vows off of men forever. That’s all it takes for Johnni to move in. Anyone else digging the “Army Girl”/Prom Queen dynamic of these two women together? Johnni slides across the table and starts feasting on Serenity’s tasty tit flesh in a flash, like some honry guy getting his first shot at the promised land. Since we all know g/g scenes are near the bottom of my preference list, that fact that watching Johnni go down here has me seriously in need of a little break, should tell you just how explosive these two women are together. When they share the two headed dildo, I have to admit, I started thinking that maybe I need to watch more lesbian porn. After a blistering pairing, we get the final twist and it’s time to exit the bad date zone.
While a huge shift from his often intense dramas, “Date From Hell” is another feather in the cap for director Jonathan Morgan. Comedy is never easy and more often than not in porn, it ends up just being lame. This movie has plenty of laughs in and aournd the better than average sex scenes and that alone makes it a successful movie. As I said, the sex is well above average with three more great scenes from Serenity. Tony Tedeschi fails to deliver the good for the facial, but otherwise their scene is great. She also hooks up with Ian Daniels and Johnni Black in button popping action. Johnni’s limo scene with Wilde was hot, and both Leeanna Heart and Mandi Frost provide outstanding support. Well written, nicely delivered dialog combined with well shot sex and of course, three hot scenes from one of me newest faves, Serenity, makes this a highly recommended comedic sex romp.
Date From Hell
DATE FROM HELL