Pirates

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Roger T. Pipe

It started as a cure for writers block. I was working on some other projects and would come home every night and write in a journal as a warm up. One day, I was reading alt.sex.movies and found some reviews of porn flicks. I've always loved movies and porn, so I decided to review some tapes form my personal porn collection. I wrote a review, found that I liked it and posted it to asm. The feedback was positive and I just kept writing. I found it a great way to get me started each day, writing about something I enjoyed and pretty soon, people were asking me to review their films and work on a web site. The rest, as they say, is history.

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Reviews >> Movie Reviews >> Pirates

Pirates

MOVIE TYPE: Feature

128 Mins.

Digital Playground & Adam and Eve

www.DigitalPlayground.com

DIRECTOR: Joone

THEMES: Pirates, Story, Comedy,

CONDOMS: Yes

2005

7/05

STARS: Jesse Jane, Carmen Luvana, Janine, Teagan Presley, Devon, Austyn Moore, Jenaveve Jolie, Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, Steven St. Croix, Scott Nails & Kris Slater.

REVIEW-

I’ve already seen this movie once so the review comes from a second viewing. After watching this movie at the premier a few weeks ago I was quite impressed, but will watch it again on a smaller screen to give the DVD the full treatment. Since this review is likely to be a long one, I will bottom line it for you. To date, Pirates is the best adult feature I have seen in 2005 and I expect it to earn a bundle of awards at year’s end. It is a complete effort with a solid script, better than average acting, computer graphics, comedy, one of the best looking casts ever and if you can believe this, hot sex scenes. Such a complete effort is rare in adult movies today and I will say right up front that I’m impressed as hell. Now, for those of you who are brave enough, here comes the full review.

Digital Playground and Adam & Eve have combined to create the most talked about adult movie of the year. That means that the combined rosters get to mingle for some memorable sex scenes. After all, Jesse Jane, Janine, Carmen Luvana and Austyn Moore are all great looking women and if we can break down a few walls and get them together, then that is a good thing.

Our adventure begins on the high seas with newlyweds Carmen Luvana and Kris Slater having their first encounter together. They share a little stiff dialog, but can hardly keep their hands off of each other. He slides between her legs and starts licking her beautiful pussy. For a girl who is supposed to be getting her first taste of cock, Carmen certainly seems to know her way around a throbbing shaft. There is no slow motion footage to kill the heat, but the action is cut a bit short here. He slides into a condom and then right up into her sweet little hole. They go at it in spoon for a little while before he leaves his seed all over her belly.

They are unaware that a ship full of pirates led by Tommy Gunn and Janine are closing in on them. The pirates board the ship, take Kris hostage and shove Carmen overboard. These are clearly not nice men.

Also on the high seas sails another ship, captained by Evan Stone. He and his crew are pirate hunters who are dealing with some low morale issues. Lucky for Evan, he has a first mate, Jesse Jane, who knows how to keep more than their spirits up. She’s working alone with Scott Nails and showing sexual energy that we don’t normally get in a feature. Jesse seems intent on shoving every last inch of his cock down her throat. He drops the hammer on her pussy pretty hard and then shoots all over her outstretched tongue. This is one of the hottest Jesse Jane scenes we’ve seen in some time. I only wish we got to see more of it.

Evan plays the cocky, but flawed pirate hunter perfectly, never taking himself too seriously as he delivers his lines. He’s having second thoughts about his career choices and is ready to give up. Jesse helps convince him to hang in there and they just happen upon Carmen at the perfect time. When she explains what happened they realize that they are up against one of the most feared pirates on earth. Once again it’s Jesse that helps push him in the right direction. The chase is on.

Both ships end up on the same small island searching for different things. Janine leads a party in search of an Incan who is rumored to reside on the island. Evan and company also hit the island looking to track down Tommy’s crew. He gets sidetracked with a couple of bar wenches. Jesse runs into her own roadblock in the form of an old flame, Steven St. Croix. There are three great dialog scenes going on at once. Jesse and Steven are very good, but Tommy has a serious confrontation with a priest and Evan entertains the hired ladies.

Devon and Teagan play the opportunistic working girls who get Evan a little drunk and engage in some lusty behavior in the privacy of their chambers. Talk about hitting the hooker lottery, he gets to play with both of them. The girls go right after his cock with Devon taking charge and doing a pretty damn good job of downing it. With Teagan mostly sitting back and watching, Devon takes a really hard fuck from behind. This kind of energy is something has been giving us more often lately and it really makes her fun to watch. The scene is a bit dark and that’s too bad because Evan rolls Devon over for some hard fucking that shows off her flexibility. Oh if only someone had turned up the lights on this one. It’s not bad as it is and includes a nice shared facial by the two beautiful wenches.

Jesse and Steven have patched things up and are going at it like rabbits in heat. This time she is working with a guy she can take to the root so she works those gorgeous lips all the way to the base of his cock and treats it like she adores it. Steven hangs right there with her, fucking Jesse from behind as hard as he can and then rolling her onto his cock for some fierce reverse cowgirl. The scene is over in a flash, but shows that Jesse can really fuck when she’s allowed to.

Things are getting sticky for the good guys. Jesse and Steven have a quick falling out (and he gets to have a lot of fun with some hilarious dialog) and Evan has picked up a groupie in the brothel. (Austyn Moore who will pop back later.) Tommy is getting closer to his goal and crosses some lines that even his brutal second, Janine can’t abide.

Meanwhile, Carmen has been kidnapped by some lusty pirates and is forced into a girl/girl sex show with Jenaveve Jolie. At first she resists, but is quickly turned around by the beautiful girl’s lapping tongue. This is really a funny scene and quickly become a very hot. Carmen is gorgeous as ever and has those long legs spread wide to let Jen get way in there. Like the other girl/girl scenes in this flick, this one seems to boil down to a contest to see which girl can get the other girl off first.

Trouble follows our captain wherever he goes. After being caught with Jesse, Evan is tied up by Steven and left to burn with the beautiful blonde. All might be lost if not for lovesick Austyn. With the building on fire, she offers to save them, but only if Evan gives her what she wants. Showing off a rare set of natural breasts, this pretty blonde matches the other in energy as she quickly gets down to business. (Quick is good, the place is on fire after all.) Though this scene could use a bit more light for the stroke factor, it is nicely shot and Austyn gives one of the best looking blowjobs of the movie. Evan doesn’t fuck her for long, but builds up a nice load that she wears home after finally getting her man.

All is not perfect for the bad guys either. When Tommy senses weakness in Janine, he calls her on it. She assures him she is still on board and proves it by threatening his life in his quarters. The superstar blonde then delivers a line that will live in my brain forever. (For the record, it’s “lick it” but the way she says it, I will never forget it.) Janine plays the aggressive pirate role well and Tommy is up to the task. After nearly being crushed between her thighs as she cums all over his fingers. Tommy is on the receiving end of some truly excellent looking head. We have waited a long time to see Janine fuck men and she is not about to disappoint us. She comes through with an aggressive and vocal fuck before taking a big shot all over her face.

Back on the ship, Carmen feels guilty. She has cheated on her husband and confesses to Jesse. Bad idea there, because it just leads her right into another lesbian love tryst. Shy at first, Carmen turns up the heat to match Jesse’s aggressive fucking. The two blondes power fuck each other with fingers and get into some very acrobatic positions as they try to outdo one another.

Our story comes to a head and rather than giving you all of the details I will just say that it is nice to see a plotted adult movie actually follow through on early promises of a decent story. There is also some pretty good CGI stuff going on that help wrap things up quite nicely.

Carmen and Kris are reunited and give us a very short reprise of their earlier activities. It’s a nice little scene that features the blonde bombshell stroking his load onto her pretty face. Not to skip over that one, but Janine and Jesse are right around the corner. If the earlier veggie scenes were aggressive, then this one is downright hostile. Janine throws Jesse down and goes right to town, proving that she still the queen of all-girl action. Though the quick-cut editing matches the action perfectly it would have been nice to linger a bit on such blistering action. (There is some DP action on Jesse with lit candles for those who need any more reason to enjoy this one.)

Even after watching this movie a second and third time (Mrs. Rog and I watched it once before I put it on again for the full review) I am impressed. Before I heap more praise onto the project, I will list a few things that could have been a little better. The sex scenes are short (No slow motion though, so that’s a plus.) Given the great energy in many of them, longer scenes might have made the flick even better. We also don’t get any epic sword battles. That would have really pushed it over for me. Teagan only appears in one scene and since I’m in lust with her something fierce, I wanted to see more from her. Other than those few things, the movie is pretty much perfect. So, on to the glowing conclusion.

The race for best feature of 2005 is essentially a over. I said it coming out of the premier and stand by the statement now. “Pirates” is a rare creature in adult entertainment. It is a movie that works for couples without being boring. It is a well-shot movie with a solid script and really hot sex. I love the fact that the movie is thoughtful without taking itself too seriously. The comedy works to balance things outs (And it helps hide any less-than-stellar acting performances) and the sex scenes are nicely distributed. Few things bug me more than a story-driven porn that gives us thirty minutes of dialog at one end and six crammed in sex scenes at the other. There are so many things about it that are worthy of awards that I can’t name them all. Let’s just say that Tommy Gunn is fantastic and so is Janine. If these two don’t win awards for their performances then something is seriously wrong. Evan Stone is great at this kind of role as well. Sexually there are countless highlights. Jesse fucks with more energy than ever and I’m growing fonder of her with each passing stroke. Janine takes charge and turns in a great pair of scenes. Austyn Moore comes out of nowhere to hang with the superstars and is the most pleasant surprise in the cast. There isn’t much more I can say about the movie. It’s a must-see and will go down as one of the most complete adult movies of this decade.

Extras: There is a HD/DVD with behind the scenes footage as well as the following collection.

Behind the Scenes: 20 minutes of backstage access to the making of the movie.

Bloopers: See what happens when porn actors try to remember lines.

Inspiration: A 3- minute short that was to become “Pirates.”

Galleries: High res shots from the movie with a slideshow feature.

Trailers: Tons of trailers for DP and A&E movies.

Behind the FX: Short FX reel highlighting some of the graphics.

Pirates Trailer:

Bios: Text bios on the main players.

Audition Videos: See how the non-sex roles were cast.

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