HARD TO SWALLOW #11
OVERALL RATING: F
PICTURE QUALITY: D
DVD EXTRAS: D
83 Mins
DIRECTOR: Dow Jones
Legend
2001
12/00
THEMES: Oral Sex
STARS: Ryan, Samantha, Summer Fields, Alexxxis Tyler, Dynamite, Nina Whett, Regan Star, Zarina, CJ Bennett, Deja Blew
REVIEW:
Blowjob porn should be very simple. You have a bunch of chicks, put them on their knees and feed them cock. Try to stay out of the way, make sure the guys get hard and hold the camera still as he paints her face. If you can do that, all you have to do is make sure the girls are easy on the eyes and don’t hate sucking cock. At first glance, it appears that the guys who made this movie forgot that first rule. Maybe I’ll end up apologizing for this in ninety minutes or so, but my first reaction is to wonder why you would put together a collection of chicks this plain.
At lease they lead off with a world class cocksucker, Regan Star. The lighting is pretty fucked up, keeping things dark and somewhat pink. Give Regan credit for staring into the camera and acting like she really wants to just devour this guy’s cock. It takes him a while to get hard, but she takes it like a trooper, even begging for it. Nice dirty talk, but most of this blowjob is captured from all the wrong angles. Regan takes over near the end, giving us some heat and than manages to hold her mouth open as Dave Hardman drops about a thimble full of cum into her mouth. (I think Dave was called in to stunt pop.)
CJ Bennett has her hair chopped short and it’s actually rather fetching on her. She’s got Jack Hammer in a cheap hotel room. No need for a romantic setting for this scene. CJ just gets down, talks dirty to his dick, then slobbers all over it like she can’t wait to make it explode. I like close ups in blowjob movies, but some of these angles make me wonder who was holding the camera and what they were thinking. By the time Jack shoots his load it mixes with the spit running down her chin to leave her rather messy.
Zarina is a woman I’ve never really enjoyed. I’m not sure how old she is, but it wouldn’t surprise me if she was Houston’s biology teacher in high school. (Did they have high school in the Dark Ages?) To make this scene worse, she is paired with Mark Wood. As much as I laugh at his goofy bleached hair now, he’s just as goofy natural. Wood is the kind of guy I use to measure women. You know, ‘I wouldn’t fuck her with Mark Wood’s dick’, that sort of thing. In this case, I don’t know what to say. I wouldn’t fuck Zarina with Mark’s cock, so why the fuck would I want to watch her suck it? I’ll make this brief so as not to offend and to cut short my misery. Bad lighting, questionable angles and nothing visually appealing here.
Ryan is a brunette with a black dick in her mouth. Isn’t that a great way to introduce a girl to you? The lighting in this scene is better than it has been for the others. Better looking than many of the others, Ryan looks a little bit like Brigitte Monroe. Her oral skills are fine, though this is a very slow blowjob with Ryan doing her best to shove every extra inch into her mouth. The facial is pretty decent. In a good blowjob movie this would have been pretty average, but here it stands out as one of the better scenes.
Samantha Sterling is one of the hotter chicks in this movie and she proves it by going totally nuts on Kyle Stone. They are outside, so the lighting is the best so far. Sam has on a tiny little bikini and looks like she’s going suck hared enough to poke a hole through the back of her head. He’s talking all kinds of shit to her about being some stuck up college princess, but man if this is how the stuck up bitches on campus act, I want to go to that fucking school until I’m ninety. (Or until I’m as old as Houston.) For those of you keeping track, this is pre-implant Sam and she ends up wearing the load between her boobs.
Summer Fields, Alexxxis Tyler, Dynamite, Nina Whett and Deja Blew are also on hand, giving less than inspiring blowjobs. This really is a pretty lame collection. The few good blowjob scenes we have are bogged down by bad lighting and questionable camera angles. BJ movies are supposed to be easy, so how did someone manage to fuck this one up so badly?