THE CELLAR- A WHOLE NEW STORE-Y

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OVERALL RATING: 8
121 Mins.
DIRECTOR: Robert Black
Extreme Associates – 1998 (4/98)
THEMES: Nuns, Prostitutes, Interracial Sex.
STARS: Tiffany Mynx, Mila, Nancy Vee, Amanda, Taylor Moore, Candy Hill, Metrixx, Kelli Dean, Tony Eveready, Byron Long, Vince Voyuer,
REVIEW:
By now you all know that I have had plenty to say about Robert Black’s videos over the past two years. Not all of it has been good, in fact some of it has pretty harsh. (As if he gives a shit what I think any more than most of you do.) Rather than rehash the past, I am looking forward to seeing his newest creation. Now that he is on his own, some people have speculated that Black might tone down some of his wilder shit. I am betting up front that we won’t see a ‘kinder, gentler’ Black this time out. Returning to the odd little pawn shop that helped make him famous, with Tom Byron as his new partner and a whole host of policially incorrect barbs aimed at pretty much everyone.
After some thinly veiled shots at his former boss, Black welcomes his first customer. Van Damage storms into the place, screaming out his demands like a roided out Seargent Carter, but in the cellar, he is reduced to a freckled faced boy scout whining for his mommy. Metrixx and Kelli Dean greet him with whips in their hands and spankings on their minds. Of course, before long, their idea of torture is to suck his cock. Poor guy. To be honest, I don’t find either of these woman all that attractive so the editing style, which might get on my nerves if I was trying to watch the sex closely. Actually, I rather like the editing from a cinematic standpoint, quite fresh. Besides, he cuts it out when Kelli repeatedly takes Van’s cock from Met’s ass and sucks it clean. A nice facial closes out and I have to admit Kelli grows on me and I’ll be watching for her in the future.
I have cracked on some of the dialog in earlier Cellar movies, but I have to say, Byron’s inventing his name monolog and Black’s ‘why guys can’t eat popsicles’ rant are both so fucking funny I nearly fell out of my chair. While Black takes a break, Byron mans the counter as a pair of nuns, Amanda and Candy Hill come in to use the restroom. Since it is occupied, he sends them into the cellar with an evil grin. The nuns are shocked to find themselves on a street corner, dressed to work. It doesn’t take long for them to be picked up. Funny, for a couple of virgins, they sure seem to know how to suck cock. (And do a lot of nuns have implants these days?) Amanda is an interesting looking brunette with a good body and Candy is simply one of the sluttiest new performers to hit the scene in a long while. Neither woman seems to mind when this super hung john makes his move for their pristine assholes. In fact, Candy seems to love it as she rides RCA, her boot clad legs flailing about. The ‘sisters’ share a big cumshot in a long, jizz swapping kiss.
Next through the door is Black’s new attorney, Tiffany Mynx. She wants to see what secrets lie in the Cellar and before you can say Dr. Richard Kimbal, she is running through a field, chased by gun toting Vince Voyuer. When he finally catches her you can imagine the kind of deal they work out to keep Tiff out of prison. She agrees to be his whore and goes right to work sucking his cock. I have said it before, and will say it for the ten millionth time, watching Tiffany Mynx suck cock is one the greatest sights in all of porn. Vince has to kick things into high gear just to keep up with Tiffany and still, as he gives her everything he’s got, she still needs more. The way she fucks him, you would think Tiff had been in prison, without cock for a very long time. As if she needed a reminder, Vince shows Tiff what life would be like back behind bars, fucking her in the ass. (Dude, that would be if a guy were in prison.) (You don’t think there are bands of horny female inmates with strap ons looking to sodomize porn stars?) (Only in Linda Blair movies man.) The only way to close out this scene would be with a nice, close up, sticky facial and Tiffany delivers big time. To add a bit of shock, she ends up sucking off the handgun. Not my thing, but this is still the best scene of the movie.
When Byron Long and Tony Everready come in to rob the place, they get sent immediately to the cellar. What lies waiting for them is sure to be the most talked about scene of the year. Surrounded by catfish, fried chicken and watermellon, the guys are soon tormented by a Klan hook clad Mila. I don’t know how much of this dialog was scripted and how much was just Mila going off, but it went beyond satire and into ridicule in about fifteen seconds. Before everyone gets all bent out of shape, I do see the irony, a woman shouting ‘nigger’ this and ‘nigger’ that, while begging for their cocks, but still, I’m surprised Tony and Byron would go for a scene like this. I know, but what about the sex? Well, Mila is as aggressive and dirty as ever, taking double pussy penetration and DP. Up to this point, the sex isn’t bad, but then things take a turn for the worse. After taking internal anal cumshots, Mila expells the load into a bowl, where they are mixed with raw eggs, beer and watermellon juice for her to gulp down. It is not this sick mixture that turns my stomach, but Mila’s destroyed rectum. It looks like someone reached their fist up her ass and pulled out a handful of colon. Fucking sick.
Tom finally takes his own trip down the stairs and finds himself watching Nancy Vee and Taylor Moore lapping labes. Not wanting two turned on chicks to go without dick for too long, Tom lets them share his cock. Then that is not enough, both girls lick his asshole for a while. Maybe I am in full Rob Black mode, but I keep waiting for a preist or a proctologist or a zombie to wander into the picture. Instead, we have to settle for just anal sex with tons of A2M. (Can someone say JADED.) These two girls both get their asses pumped and then share a facial hosing that decorates Taylor’s pretty face quite nicely.
So, is this a kinder, gentler Rob Black? Fuck no. Why would you even have to ask that shit? Have you not been fucking paying attention? There is plenty here to get under the skin of even the most hardened raincoater. The Mila scene is way over the top, but that was the only one I really couldn’t watch. There was no spitting, no choking, none of the things I really have disliked in the past. In fact, the sexual action in this movie is quite good. Tiffany Mynx is incredible in one of her best scenes ever. In addition to the hot sex, much of the dialog in this movie is super funny. Big hats off for that. While this is not for everyone, it’s still a movie to check out.

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