Hide a Vibe Black Marbled (Reviewed by Savana Switzer)

Overall rating: F

Name: Hide A Vibe Black Marble

Type of Toy: Vibrator.

Bottom Line: Keep this toy hidden—out of sight, out of mind, and definitely out of body!

Price: $15.99 at PEXX.com

Manufacturer: California Exotic

Size: 4″ long, 3″ around.

Material: Hard plastic.

Best For: G-Spot Stimulation.

Review: F

Like most individuals, it seems that there are a number of products I allow myself to be impressed by simply due to their novelty. I’m one of those people that allows the persuasion of an added bonus to be the incentive behind a purchase. It’s like buying a Volkswagen Beetle because they all come with a bouquet of fake flowers, and then afterwards, realizing that the flowers weren’t a good enough reason to buy it because Beetles frankly suck anyway.

So was my mistake with the Marble, a slim vibrator that would look good in a room powered by a black light. My initial infatuation stemmed from the inclusion of the Marble’s very own discreet carrying case, about the size of a lipstick tube. In fact, the case looks a lot like a lipstick tube. The next time my super-nosy mother was routing through my purse, for example, she would naturally draw the conclusion that her responsible college co-ed daughter has developed a penchant for black lipstick in move on, never suspecting the actual nymphomaniac that lurks behind the plastic-frame glasses, knit sweater and coy smile.

But I digress, back to the Marble. I always have a reluctance towards slim-style vibrators because they bother me on an aesthetic level. I’m always afraid I’m going to break them if I try to operate them alone, so I asked my friend Randi if she’d be interested in helping me. Bold, beautiful and blonde, Randi is the perfect partner to test out toys with, especially since (like me) she’s just interested in experimenting her way through the college years.

After some beginning foreplay, Randi and I both stripped down to nothing. She coaxed me to lie on my back while simultaneously tracing her finger along the inside of my thigh and teased me with the very tip of her manicured nail, bringing about just enough wetness to snake the Marble in. I expected a ripple, a shiver, some kind of sensation to acknowledge that there had been some kind of entry, but I felt almost nothing. Maybe I’ve just been too spoiled by toys such as the Jackrabbit, but even with Randi’s talented manipulation, the Marble felt like what I imagine masturbation with a crayon would feel like—awkward and definitely unsatisfactory, sexually. Despite our best efforts, nothing could redeem the Marble. Every position just made the Marble that much more awkward, and it never came anywhere near my G-Spot.

No wonder it’s called Hide-a-Vibe; the damn thing is so small that when you’re using it, you really feel like you’re playing hide-and-seek with yourself and without any pay-off at the end. The lipstick case, though a cool concept, does not make up for the fact that the Marble is a huge waste.

Weaknesses: Too slim and short to offer any stimulation.

Batteries Needed: 1 AA Battery

Clean Up: Soap and Water.

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