Guest Blogger: Cindi Loftus


by Cindi Loftus

I love free flow writing. That is when you just write as you think.
Everything doesn’t have to be in the proper order, you don’t have to
stick to all the grammar rules. You don’t need a transitional sentence
from one idea to the next. Every sentence doesn’t have to be complete.
You just write what you feel like writing about and don’t worry about
perfection. Writing for magazines is quite structured and “proper.” So
I thank Rog for this opp to just let my brain flow into my fingers and
magically appear on my computer screen. In other words, thanks for
letting me R AM B L E…

SEX vs LOVE- Do you have the idea that porn movies are just fake sex
and all the moaning and groaning is applied afterward. Do you think
that the people in the adult industry have a brick wall pulled down
over their emotions and that they are more like sex machines that work
on auto pilot? When he is ramming his hard cock down her throat and she
is sucking, licking, gagging and wearing out her wrist with the
repetitive up- and down motion, do you think they are both acting?
Bored? Thinking about what to have for lunch? Do you think that anyone
whose life revolves around sex for a living must not care about sex at
all? And what about being in love? Can people that have sex without
love for movies, have sex with love for their partners?
Of course they can. Are you nice to your boss and your coworkers? Are
you nice to your wife/husband and kids? Do you feel the same way about
all of them? NOPE! You might like them all. You might even say hi and
smile at them all. But your inside feelings are different. You might
have a whatever or even warm feeling for those at the office. I would
think you have a spontaneous smile and warm feeling in the pit of your
stomach and an aching love in your heart for your wife and children.
Just like X-rated stars do. Friends might be lovers, and lovers might
be friends, but the real deal is when your best friend IS your lover.
FRIENDS VS SELFISHNESS-I love my friends, I care about them deeply. In
most cases I would do most anything to make them happy, as long as it
didn’t inconvenience me too much, didn’t threaten my family, or my
ability to pay my bills or my mortgage. Didn’t stain my new wall to
wall carpet or fuck up my brand new kitchen. I would stay up all night
talking to them if they needed me. I would lend them money. I would let
them sleep at my house ( for a short period of time), I would watch
their pets and babysit their children for free. But I would not lift
the heavy boxes they packed to help them move. For one I pay an
osteopath hundreds of dollars to help me with my back and neck pain,
for two I wouldn’t lift MY OWN heavy boxes. Does that make me selfish?
I think it makes me practical, and realistic. I don’t think my giving
should extend to injury, or a $500 doctor bill. And I don’t think I
have gotten more self centered, i think i have gotten more realistic.
As you age you no longer recover from anything crazy you do by the next
day. You become more aware of your long range future and the health of
your body. I used to think I could do anything, now I KNOW I can do
anything, if I want to suffer the consequences! I think I have gotten
older and wiser, and if you want me to help you move, I’ll carry the
clothes on hangers, and if you can’t afford it, I’ll hire the hot
twenty year old guys to lift the boxes. After all with age comes
wisdom. And with wisdom comes the brains to know that watching hot
twenty year olds move boxes is much more fun then moving them your self
and then spending the next 5 days and $500 dollars on doctors and
laying flat on your back. Unless of course those twenty year old guys
are laying there with me, lol.
YOU GET BETTER WITH AGE-In third grade I wrote a poem when my baby
brother was brought home from the hospital and put into his crib. I
lived in a two bedroom/ one bathroom house my whole growing up life and
my mom and dad shared a room so I felt it only fair that I shared the
other one with my 8 years younger brother. So if you want to read this
here goes- I’ll tell you ahead of time, it ain’t that good- (I was
eight, alright?)

One night
It was not bright
so I turned on the light
and I heard my brother cry
I don’t know why
He was hungry!

Okay, I warned ya. I’ve gotten a bit better since then, actually I
would say I’ve gotten a lot better since then, at least I hope you guys
thing that I have.

Also in third grade I wrote my first amazingly brilliant published
piece. It was something about a purple people eater, and it appeared in
an anthology of elementary students writing ( i never saw it, my
parents couldn’t afford to buy a copy) I grew up in a poor home. We
had lots of Campbell soup and brown rice, with the occasional chunk of
stringy chuck steak or smelly Daddy caught blue fish. I would starve to
death before I would eat those things. Gag me with a cooked carrot.
That’s probably why I weighed 65 pounds in seventh grade. I still hate
all of the above foods except for the brown rice. Brown rice is good,
Right Georgie?

Georgie, as in my good friend Georgina Spelvin, the original Miss
Jones, in “The Devil and Miss Jones”. It’s a really interesting story
how she accidently got that part. She has recently finished writing her
life story and is publisher shopping. It’s an amazing sexy and tragic,
and wonderful book. You will really want to read it. You can keep track
of what she is up to on it at
Speaking of books, I recently read Ron Jeremy’s book and thought it was
good. Although I have known him for several years, I learned a lot of
things I didn’t know about him from his book. He made the Best Seller
list too! It’s a good read, and you can read a bit, put it down and
pick it back up and read some more. It’s a light, interesting story. I
didn’t love the writing (Ron had a writer) when I started reading, but
it got better as I got farther into it. The second half was definitely
better then the first.
Jenna Jameson’s life story was amazing. THat book was so good, I
couldn’t stop reading. I just read it in every spare minute I had over
three days. Now that was a heavy intense read. Jenna had a rough start,
but look where she is today. People might have things good and bad to
say about Jenna, but I’ll just say that she has more money in the bank
then 99 % of the rest of us, and she is still nice to her fans, and the
media, or at least to me, lol.

A lot of adult industry people write books. It seems like a natural
step in the progress of maturing. You work in Porn, and then you write
a book about it, and generally if it is a good book, lots of people
want to read it. Nina Hartley, Candida Royalle and Luke Ford have good
books that I have read.
What does all this have to do with anything you might ask? Well I have
decided it is MY time to write a book. I’ve been writing for magazines
and websites and newspapers for hundreds of years, okay, it just seems
that long. Actually it’s been fifteen years in the adult market. I’ve
always wanted to write a book, but wasn’t ‘sure that I could keep my
attention on one subject for long enough to turn out 300 pages. I knew
that I would be bored to tears. By the time I am done writing a 3000
WORD story or interview I never want to see it again. So I knew the key
to my book would have to be a great idea and that it could be broken up
in chunks. It finally came to me out of the blue. The love stories of
people in the X business! Each chapter would be a different couple, so
I would actually be writing 30-40 different stories, which would keep
me from jumping off a bridge! AND it’s subject matter that isn’t
already written about and compiled in the way I am going to do it!
My book is called Real Life XXX Love Stories. I have asked about half
of the people I want to be in it, so far. I still have more to go. I am
choosing carefully. I have commitments from some, probablys from
others, and a few no’s. Luckily the no’s are because the couple doesn’t
want the publicity, not because they don’t like my idea. Even the few
turn downs I have gotten have been positive and supportive. (thanks,
you know who you are). If anyone would LIKE to be in my book please
contact me. If you have a suggestion of who would be a great story
please contact me. And I would really appreciate it if all of you who
read this would please show your support by joining my myspace page. THanks for reading this you guys. I
look forward to seeing you and hearing from you on myspace. One more
thing. I want to end my long winded diatribe by asking a question. Rog?
Will you and your wife be in my book?

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