My Bare Lady: Porn Does Reality TV

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Last night I took a break from reading the latest gossip over on www.XXXPornTalks.com (And yeah, they still haven’t put a link to my site. I feel so crushed.) and tuned into “My Bare Lady.” It’s a reality show over on Fox Reality that takes four porn chicks out of the Valley and gives them an intensive three-week crash course in serious acting.

Like all good reality contests, this one starts with a cattle call in front of a couple of judges. The would-be contestants include some of porn’s most delicious babes including Sunny Lane, Sunset Thomas, Casey Parker and Julia Bond. Perhaps hoping a British accent would equate to mainstream success, they threw Taylor Wane in there. They also snuck Gia Darling in, but then didn’t really show us the reaction shot when they realized that she is really a he.

Letting the girls stick with their strengths out of the gate, the judges ask to see them orgasm on cue. That was quite a sight and may be a bit hard to watch for dedicated porn fans. It’s a bit like peeking behind the curtain.

In an attempt to prove that “porn stars can read” (I wish I had looked up in time to see which girl said that. I think it was Nautica.) the girls try to do a bit of Shakespeare. Hey, Willie’s a tough read, especially cold, but most of this stuff was so painful that it made that William Hung version of “She Bangs” look like the height of God-given talent.

In the end four women Channel St. James, Kirsten Price, Nautica Thorn and Sasha Noxt made it all the way to London. They are going to spend three weeks getting ready to showcase their skills in a way they haven’t tried before.

It was an interesting opening show and I’ll tune in again next week. It might have been a better idea to take the four worst girls from the auditions. Then again, I stop watching American Idol as soon as they pick the good singers.

Back to the gossip I go.

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