The Pipeline: April 2007


Wow, April already. Time for the weather to warm up, thoughts to turn to baseball, BBQs and bikini clad babes. I already got my first taste of the season last week when I spent some time in San Diego. Apparently my home town is quite the Spring Break destination for co-ed hotties. To steal a line, if I were fifteen years younger and not married, they would have been shooting me down right and left. Hopefully the warm weather brings all of you a lot of fun and happiness as well as the inevitable eye candy. As major league teams break Spring Training, there has been plenty of roster movement in Porn Valley as well. So what do you say folks, let’s play ball.

Sex Z Pictures had a huge year last year. Eli Cross’ “Corruption” was a controversial hit and picked up several awards. Late last year, they announced a search for the first “Million Dollar Contract Girl.” We had quite a bit of fun speculating who might be the lucky girl to have sign her name on the dotted line and collect the big pay day. One name kept popping up and given her success in the last year, it wasn’t much of a stress for any of us to pick this one correctly. Hillary Scott continued her amazing roll by being named as the Sex Z Million Dollar Girl. The deal has her locked up for five years as a performer and a director. Though things like this are difficult to confirm, it is believed that this deal makes Hillary the highest paid contract girl in all of porn. It certainly seems like a solid movie by Sex Z. Hillary has been a raincoater favorite for two years, tuning in scenes that are as filthy as she is beautiful. Her girl next door looks defy her hard-core sexuality and that makes her the perfect stroke-fantasy girl. Last year she showed her acting chops in “Corruption”, “Britney Rears 3” and other efforts. She can fuck and she can act. If Hillary can direct, then she will spend the next several years earning every penny of her million dollar contract.

Another Sex Z performer/director did not have such a great month. Kurt Lockwood has had quite a year, but perhaps not the kind of year most people would want. A few months back he had a run in with Stephen Baldwin, uttering that classic debate like “fuck you” as his final salvo. Then he responded to an on-line review with a written tirade that insulted the critic and took shots at the very porn fans who make it possible for Kurt to make a living fucking hot women like Hillary. Capping off his tri-fecta, Kurt went a little nuts on set last month. When a industry journalist Gram Ponante arrived on set, Kurt verbally and physically assaulted him. The incident was apparently sparked by Lockwood’s belief that Gram had called him a “fag.” Gram denies ever saying that and no proof of the alleged insult has been found in any of his writings. Kurt screamed and shoved the journalist while on set and later insisted that Gram be removed before he would do his scene. I doubt that this is this is the sort of behavior that Sex Z is looking for in a director. Hopefully it was just a misunderstanding and will calm down, realize the he gets to fuck hot chicks for a living and not take things quite so personally.

Luckily for everyone, the mainstream news cameras weren’t running on Kurt’s tantrum. They were too busy focusing on Sunny Lane and Sophia Lynn. ABC’s Prime Time dedicated the better part of an entire episode to these two ladies last month. As usual, the mainstream folks did their best to cast porn in the worst light possible. They didn’t have to do much work with Sophia. She is a former Adam & Eve contract girl who was right in the middle of some personal problems and a destructive spiral of drug abuse. It was the perfect story for their show. The Sunny Lane piece focused on her family. Unlike so many women in porn, Sunny has a very strong support system in her parents. They manage her career, back her every step away and are just comfortable enough with what Sunny does for a living to be painted as creepy. Never mind that the support of one’s family, no matter how odd it might seem, is a lot better than the alternative. Chalk it up as another attempt by a mainstream media outlet to paint everyone involved with this business as somehow broken. Big points to Sunny for coming off as positive, together and a pretty damn decent.

Vivid finally released the Kim Kardashian celebrity sex movie. As is usually the case, it is more style than substance and as piece of porn, it falls flat. The best part of the movie is Kim herself. She is easily the best ‘celebrity’ (and I use that term very, very loosely) in such a tape since Pam Anders’s way back in the day. It looks like she could really give the other Vivid Girls a run for their money if she wanted to. On the down side, this Ray J character couldn’t shoot a sex video if you gave him a super hot chick and a million bucks. Oh wait, they DID give him a super hot chick and million bucks and he still couldn’t even get the POV blowjob right. And to make matters worse, Vivid has now offered Ray J a contract to direct. If he can’t even figure out that the camera should be Kim’s face and not his during a blowjob, what the fuck is he going to do when he has to direct those Vivid Twins?

No word yet on whether or not Ex-American Idol hottie Antonella Bara will be the next star of a celebriporn movie. Pictures of her on the internet raised her profile quite a bit and even got her a few offers. While Playboy was rumored to be interested, the most solid possibility was that Antonella might host a Girls Gone Wild DVD for a the cool sum of a quarter of a million dollars. An even longer shot is the half million dollar offer she reportedly received from an internet porn company to do the nasty. Let’s just hope that if she does decide to go all the way, she doesn’t end up fucking some D-list non-celebrity hip hop ‘artist’ who could shoot better porn with his eyes closed.

And on that note, let’s get out of here. Another month gone by, another year since my last dreadful baseball picks. Here they are again folks, the teams not to bet on. AL: Yankees, Tigers, Angels with the Red Sox as the Wild Card. NL: Mets, Cardinals, Dodgers with the Cubs in as the WC. World Series: Mets of the Yankees in six. I have a better chance of scoring at the XRCO Awards than I do of getting those right so take it to the bank.

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