Pretty As They Cum


Pretty As They Cum


238 Mins.

Jules Jordan Video

THEMES: Eye Candy




STARS: Jenna Haze, Shyla Stylez, Tory Lane, Angelina Valentine, Tori Black, Alexis Texas,


Porn flicks are generally divided into three categories. Eye Candy, Stroke Flicks and Features. The final category doesn’t really matter because it doesn’t apply here. The first two generally don’t mix well. Movie are either fuzzy, pretty and soft with echo chamber music and slow motion sex or they are hard, fast, sweaty, nasty and hot. Balancing the two is something very few directors try and even fewer manage to pull off. Christ Streams is going to walk that tightrope with his movie. The clever title applies quite nicely. The women in this movie are indeed quite pretty. They are beautifully made up, well dressed and shot against a backdrop that is often fuzzy, brightly lit and provide pure eye candy. The sex scenes are well paced, nicely edited and feature high energy performances from pretty much every girl in the flick. More often than not the combination of eye candy and hot sex works. Alexis Texas leads off with a scene that shows off her pretty face and spectacular ass. Tori Black follows that with a fuck that is as beautiful as she is and just as sexy. Jenna Haze adds another great scene to her ever-growing resume. If ever a woman was making an undeniable case for Performer of the Year it is Jenna here in 2008. The second disc is not nearly as hot as the first, though there are some great moments here as well. Mostly notably when Shyla Stylez show off her great curves and when Tory Lane shares a dick with Angelina Valentine. Streams walks the line between eye candy and hot sex fairly perfectly in this movie. It is a great balance with some outstanding scenes. It is pretty enough to satisfy those looking for eye candy and hot enough for the raincoat crowd. Nicely done Mr. Streams.

Alexis Texas

Alexis is a perfect girl for this sort of glossy, pretty girl tease. She has a great face and a fantastic smile. It transitions beautifully into some toy play as Alexis puts her pretty lips to work on a shiny dildo. The glossy look of the scene doesn’t leave as the sex starts, but at least there is still some good intensity. She starts bouncing her ass up and down and talks dirty even as the scene looks like something out of an Andrew Blake wet dream. Alexis shows off the ass and fucks like she really wants to work him over completely. Any shot of her ass is bound to be eye catching and when Alexis fucks this hard. She really is one of the very best in the business. The big facial finish closes out a very impressive opening effort.

Tori Black

Damn Tori is pretty. She is great looking in ordinary scenes, but all dressed up for this one she is simply stunning. The tease and toy play are outstanding and Mark Ashley keeps things nice and slow as he enters the picture. He doesn’t stay slow for long though. He starts pounding that pussy and Tori loves every pulsing inch. The lighting is a bit more intrusive in this scene, but the sexual intensity is fantastic. She is quite loud and fucks him back nice and hard. Any time we get to see a woman this beautiful get fucked this hard it is a good thing. When they so clearly love it, that makes it all the better. Mark leaves his load right on her face. I would have enjoyed the scene more with different lighting, but Streams got exactly what he wanted here, a beautifully shot piece of eye candy that is blistering hot.

Jenna Haze

Speaking of blistering hot, here comes Jenna Haze. I swear she is in everything I have put in the review in the last two weeks. That’s a good thing of course. She is a perfect girl for this movie. Jenna is sexy, beautiful and one of the hottest performers in the business. After providing a great look at her lovely lingerie-clad body, Jenna leans back and waits for a pair of cocks to show up for her. She goes right after both of them, sucking, stroking and talking dirty as only she can. Streams doesn’t do much with the lighting on this scene. He basically has Jenna all dolled up and just turns her loose for some really hot three way action. The guys each pick and end and fuck Jenna in her mouth and pussy. We get some really great shots along the way including some fantastic tight shots of her pussy as it gets stretched. Eventually they get to the ass and that suits Jenna just fine. She wants it hard and she wants it fast even up her tight little ass. The only way to slow her down is to hold her in position and fuck both holes at once. Jenna still looks like a million bucks as the guys slam fuck her holes. She matches there energy and then some. Holding her mouth wide open and her tongue out, Jenna takes two big loads like a superstar.

Shyla Stylez

Disc two starts out as strong as disc one finished. Shyla is hot, has a perfect body and loves to fuck. Everything is really fuzzy during her tease, but it still shows off her fantastic curves. With no shortage of tease footage, Shyla will have to work through a serious haze of style to get the sexual heat to shine through. No problem there. Turn this girl loose with a hard cock and the magic just happens. When you compare this scene to Jenna‘s though you can really see how style can get in the way. For anyone who has always wanted to see Andrew Blake to a hard core scene or who used to wish that Celeste would shoot sex in full motion, this scene is probably exactly what you have been looking for. There is decent energy here and Marco fucks her pussy really hard, but it just makes me feel like I need to clean off my TV screen. There is a lot of anal here as well. It’s a good scene don’t get me wrong. I just found it too glossy for my taste. Even the facial is tough to see because she is so washed out.

Alektra Blue

This popular girl has always left me cold. She models well though and looks the part. There is a lot of glamour and a lot of gloss here, but this time around I don’t mind so much. She starts giving a footjob, but honestly I think that the best part of this scene was the tease. There are some good ass shots as she is bent over and fucked in the butt, but the sexual energy here doesn’t come close to what we have seen from Alexis, Jenna or Shyla. I just found myself wanting it to be over so that the bright white light would stop. It finally does end with a facial shot, but I’m already hoping that the finale is better.

Angelina Valentine & Tory Lane

Angelina and Tory have to fight the stark white background during their tease. I would probably be more impressed if I didn’t feel like the last 90 minutes have burned a white cloud in my retinas. As down as I am on the gloss right now, the masks work, the girls are hot and things are much better than in the last scene. It is tough to slow Tory down when there is a cock in the room, but Angelina shows that she can hang in there. The busty brunette gets down for some serious doggy while Tory looks on, clearly impressed by what she sees. Of course it is tough to even image a woman who fucks harder than Tory does. She stands over Angelina and gets railed from behind like she wants Mark to fuck through her all the way into her hot friend. After being so well fucked the girls share a big load. That’s more like it. Too much style, but so much fucking heat that it works anyway.

Bonus: BTS, Cumshot Recap, Photo Gallery, Trailers, Cast List

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