Screeched

MOVIE TYPE: Celebrity Sex

45 Mins.

Red Light District

www.clubredlight.com

DIRECTOR:

THEMES: Celebrity Sex

CONDOMS: Yes

2006

9/06

STARS: Dustin Diamond, JJ, Bride, Bridesmaid

REVIEW-

And now for the moment we’ve…..oh come on let’s be real. No one in their right mind was actually looking for a Screech sex tape. Some of you may not have been caught up in the squeaky clean Saturday morning teen comedy that made Dustin Diamond a huge star and forever stereotyped him as one of TV’s biggest geeks. I’m certain most of you know his hot co-stars though. Tiffani-Theissen has gone on to be one of Hollywood’s sexiest TV stars and we all remember Elizabeth Berkley’s softcore porn turn in “Showgirls.” Frankly I wish either of them had made a tape, but we got with what we have.

Dustin and a girl calling herself JJ are sharing a bath. She is holding the camera so we stare at him for a very long time. Judging from their conversation we could probably assume that this is Dustin’s significant other. This footage serves to extend the running time, but there is no erotic value unless you get off on looking at Dustin’s face for ten minutes as he compares fast food restaurants.

Now comes the fun part. Addressing a group he calls the “Brotherhood of the Bros” Dustin introduces the sex we are about to see. The scene in question purportedly involves to women who saw Dustin at a comedy club. They are supposed to be having a bachelorette party. The blonde bride to be seems a bit more friendly than her cute bridesmaid. Dustin rummages through the boxes of sex toys and lingerie and eventually talks the girls into trying on some sexy lingerie. I’m not totally sure that I’m convinced as to the authenticity of their “normal girl” status, but it is convincing enough to be interesting.

The bride gets a quick taste of his cock before her friend comes in and breaks up the party. Pretty as she is, the bridesmaid is a bit of a cold fish for a while. She warms up when the girls play with each other. Dustin loudly comments as they lick each other. Everyone makes loud comments about how the condom just won’t fit over the fat head of his seemingly average cock. He eventually gets one big enough to work and slips it into the bride’s waiting slit. Even when he is fucking her, the girls are busy making out and helping each other. One of the toys in the box is a double dong that the bride slides slowly up her hot friend’s asshole. The sex is choppy and we really don’t see a whole lot.

They finish off with a long segment in the bathtub as the girls show some booty shaking moves. We finish off with a move that Dustin calls the “Fish Eye” and then goes for the highly touted “Dirty Sanchez.” Guys, do not try this at home.

The bonus scenes are fantastic with Amy Reid, Tia Tanaka, Rebecca Linares & Annette Schwartz. In case you aren’t able to get off to the celebrity action you get nearly a full movie of great action as a bonus. This is a brilliant move by RLD again.

So what do get here? An odd little tape that is more talk than action. As usual I think this has a built-in appeal that is almost too much to resist. It gets a high score because I still think it’s a must-see. I don’t know if these are civilians doing the naughty bachelorette thing or a couple of well paid professionals. If they are the latter then they should be up for an award because they pull it off. There is just enough authenticity to make us think that our starring celebrity just got lucky with a couple of real girls. The camera work isn’t great. It isn’t the worst celebrity tape out there in that regard, but I don’t think anyone is going to confuse this with a movie shot originally as porn. I don’t know if we should buy into the “Brotherhood of the Bros” thing, but that too is a nice wrinkle. It’s a great idea and I’m sure we all love the idea that celebrities are running around shooting each other in the buff. Of course we’re all waiting for the Britney Spears video to hit shelves. If this is the way we’re going though, we should expect the big Anson Williams sex vid.