Mary Carey Rules


Mary Carey Rules


116 Mins

Kick Ass Pictures

DIRECTOR: Andre Madness

THEMES: Blondes, Big Tits



STARS: Mary Carey, Alexis Malone, Lee Stone, Tony Tedeshi, Jessica Darlin, Julian,
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Mary Carey is the new Kick Ass contract girl. For those of you haven’t seen her, she’s a very busty blonde girl with a mischievous smile and a body that was made for porn. She did some girl/girl work for other companies and is ready to go all the way in this one. During the intro for this movie, she has me laughing at her over the top porno-ego. She tells us a few dozen reasons why she “rules” and giggles like she just might believe it. Her overwrought intros to each scene are funny as hell. She is overflowing with praise for her acting ability, sexual skills and seems ready to declare herself the single greatest thing since sliced bread/ (Someone has been reading porn press releases.) I don’t know if it’s time to say that Mary Carey actually rules or not, but we’ve got five scenes to try and decide.

In the first scene Mary plays two characters, interviewing herself in a debate over violent and offensive lyrics. Lee Stone plays the uptight reverend who goes toe to toe with a white rapper named Skittles. As the interviewer, Mary get Lee all riled up by the young rapper. The debate ends peacefully though as Lee breaks off a piece of this big titted blonde. She rips her clothes off, drags him into the middle of the ring and makes him lick her toes. Mary is tasty, so Lee is happy to lick his way up to her pussy and make her squirm. She gets up on her knees and fishes his big cock from his pants and lets him jam it between her boobs. Mary has a pretty good mouth and uses her hands well. Her curvy body looks very good in doggy and that tight little pussy just swallows up his long prick. Lee takes her hard from behind as she stands on one foot to let the camera zoom in for a nice tight shot of her nice tight slot. After a good, solid fuck, Lee shoots onto her tits and lets Mary suck the rest of his load out of his rod.

Mary gets to show off her comedic talents as the host of a game show called “Who’s the Boob?” She asks questions of Alexis Malone and Tony Tedeschi. As soon as the show is over, Tony gets to nail the cute the little blonde right there on set. He starts out licking her pussy while Mary watches. There is some toe sucking as well, but it’s little Alexis who does the best oral work here. Her nice looking blowjob is painfully short though as Tony moves around behind to fill her pussy. Mary is there to lend a helping hand, but I don’t think this petite blonde really needs much help when it comes to joyously riding cock. In the end, Mary jerks Tony off right onto Alexis’ face for a very hot finish.

For the next scene, Mary plays the Breast Avenger. When Mickey G is trying to rob sexy Jasmine Lynn, the BA comes in, exposes her boobs and he is powerless against them. Seeing him in a trance, Jasmine wants a little bit of revenge. They force Mickey to lick her feet, her asshole and eventually her pussy. If this is punishment for mugging, then I think street crime will soon be on the rise. She uses her mouth to get his cock nice and wet, even licking his balls for a few seconds. Even if Mickey didn’t get away with robbing little Jasmine, he still gets to fuck her snug pussy raw and pop a big load right in her mouth. I’ll take that over twenty bucks and a Sears card any day.

Mary plays a drill sergeant in the next scene and orders Jessica Darlin and Julian to drop and give her twenty. Still not satisfied, she orders Julian to lick Jessica’s ass. He slurps away on her sweet lips, curling her toes and getting Jess ready to show just how much she can do with her pretty mouth. Julian’s huge cock stretches her mouth, but Ms. Darlin just shoves it deep into her mouth and shows everyone why she’s a superstar. All that meat slides more easily up into her pussy as she rides him, giving us an outstanding view of her world-class ass. His big gun pounds away on her pussy and then fills her ass. The RCA is fantastic looking as Jessica takes as much as her little asshole can manage. He finishes her off with a big load of cum all over her pretty face.

Mary puts on a cheerleader uniform briefly for her next scene. She sheds the clothes for a free massage from Barrett. He gives her the full body massage and Mary giggles like a schoolgirl as he touches her special parts. Using his cock on her feet, Barrett takes advantage of Mary from the bottom up. She likes the tongue massage on her clit even more. The doe-eyed cheerleader is curious about putting her mouth on his cock, but once they start, Mary knows just what to do. The way she sticks her ass high in the air makes me wish I was on the set to help fill her from behind. Barrett spins her around to fuck her tits for a short while. More of this footage would have been great, but he’s got to move on to her pussy. The doggy footage gives us some nice tit shots as Mary’s rack shakes with every stroke. He finishes her massage by shooting a load all over those perfect tits.

If you’ve never seen Mary Carey before, this is your chance to get to know the busty blonde. In fact, by the time this movie is over you might just be sick of hearing her say her own name. Normally we should all cringe at the thought of a porn star referring to herself in the third person, but the humor here makes it pretty cool. Her scenes are pretty good, though the entire cast really deserves recognition. Jessica Darlin does a great anal scene with Julian, giving us the best reason to love this movie. Just behind Jessica’s ass come Mary’s tits. I hear they are real and they look it. If they aren’t, then someone should give her surgeon an award because she’s got fantastic boobs. Mary does her best work with Lee, but is on hand to help out the other girls. She’s got a good sense of humor and will fit in nicely with Kick Ass Pictures. Now that I’ve praised Mary to death, let’s talk about the down side to this movie. Like other Kick Ass projects, this one tends to be long on pussy eating and short on cock sucking. I’m sure that makes it easier for the cable audience, but those of us who love blowjobs really get cheated in a few of these scenes.

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