Chyna is Queen of the Ring
www.Vivid.com
MOVIE TYPE: Parody
108 Mins
Vivid
DIRECTOR: B Skow
THEMES: Wrestlers, Parody, Gang Bangs
CONDOMS: None
2012
STARS: Chyna, Lisa Ann, Valerie Key, Evan Stone, Alex Sanders, Lee Stone, TJ Cummings, Marco Banderas, Sedge Hammer
REVIEW-
I don’t know if this is officially a parody or not, but it probably should be. Former WWE star Chyna has done a few porn flicks already. In this effort she makes a return to the squared circle. Instead of fighting though, she fucks all comers. There are four separate scenes, all revolving around a big pay per view event. The jabs at wrestling stars past and present are not at all gentle and sometimes really funny. They are also a tag juvenile and dip into the homophobic humor bucket more often than needed. Chyna is in all four scenes so you better like watching her fuck if you are going to enjoy this flick. I rather liked her last flick (Backdoor to Chyna) because she really brought great energy to the table. Of course, this movie puts Chyna where she can maximize her fantasy potential. I’m sure lots of wrestling fans rubbed out some big loads thinking about Chyna getting down and dirty with her co-stars. Now they get the chance. Before the big matches, Chyna gets some revenge on Vince and his bitchy daughter. There is some great fantasy appeal here and Lisa Ann plays Stephanie. It isn’t as hot as it could be, but it’s not bad and Chyna gets a chance to show off her serious deep throat skills. That scene is followed up by a gang bang. The action here is disjoined and strange. It isn’t especially well shot (Strange for a B Skow project) and looks like it was chopped up a lot in editing. (Perhaps there was trouble getting enough footage.) Chyna goes from hot to trot to out to lunch way too often. It almost looks like she’s on something. Still, the fantasy value is high for people who always wanted to see her do more in the ring than deliver nut shots and power bombs. In between bouts, Ron Jeremy fucks the ring girl and then Chyna. This is just a bad idea. Just bad I tell you. Valarie looks disgusted and can’t wait to get out of the action. Chyna looks bored and there is really nothing sexy at all about their pairing. Watching Ron do his “squeeze the balloon” trick to get his dick hard enough to slip into Chyna‘s meat slot is sad to the point of making me want to throw up. You may want to skip that one to get to the finale. Or you may want to skip that too. Evan Stone playing Hulk Hogan is pretty interesting. Alex Sanders seems clueless in his role and useless during the sex. He sits around with a limp dick most of the time with nothing to say. Chyna herself seems to have checked out for this one. She goes crazy for cock for a while, then just lies there. It’s very odd. Overall this is a movie that Chyna fans will want to see. It brings the wrestling parody into play fairly well. I wanted to like it more than I did and enjoyed it for a while. The action is just choppy and feels rushed. Chyna as a performer has moments of extreme heat and then drifts off. She looks better than she did years ago in that celebrity tape, but is more attractive and energetic in Backdoor to Chyna. Get this one if you really like WWE parodies or really love the idea of Chyna getting ring-fucked.
Backstage before Fuck-A-Mania, Chyna gets last second instructions from Vince and Stephanie. She is pissed at both of them and has only agreed to show up for the paycheck. Before she goes out to perform though, Chyna wants to make her tormenters get on their knees and “suck it.” (Nice little throwback there.) She towers over Lee while he eats pussy. Lisa stands by dutifully by and licks nipples. (The kissing seems really awkward as Chyna just stands here open mouthed.) Chyna is better with cock, sucking Lee’s long hose while she sits on Lisa Ann’s face. It’s pretty damn impressive watching Chyna deep throat Lee’s long ring post. Turning her around, Lee slides his dick into her pussy and pounds away while Chyna eats Lisa. It really doesn’t look like Chyna enjoys eating pussy at all. She barely moves her tongue and Lisa is doing one hell of a job to sell it. (Hey, it fits with the wrestling theme.) She just seems way more into being fucked than anything to do with another chick. Chyna bangs it out hard in reverse cowgirl. Lisa sits nearby and rubs her pussy from the sidelines. They finish up with a big load all over her big tits. Though Lisa Ann is underused here, Chyna still impresses in this opener.
Chyna Gang Bang
This is going to fun for wrestling fans. Chyna waits in the ring for this battle royale of banging. The wrestlers are introduced to some very fun dialog. Bret Hart, John Cena, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Triple H and other stars from past crowd into the ring for a shot at Chyna‘s holes. She starts right in and starts grinding up against a cock or two. Dropping to her knees, she gets to work on each cock as it basses by. The guys in wrestler suits keep things a big interesting, but they also stand around a lot looking lost. It’s a bit awkward at times because she just seems to be doing her own thing, but there is some good footage here. Chyna does have impressive deep throat skills and can take a pretty hard pounding, especially in doggy. The first shot hits her ace while the looks at the camera. They bring a chair into the ring (of course they do) The action gets a little disjoined, but there is plenty of it. Chyna struggles a bit with Sledgehammer’s huge tool, then gets face fucked by Mean Gene before hitting the floor for some serious matt work. More cumshots her boobs and face, but Chyna is just locked on the camera. There is a really strange disconnect for a lot of this.
Valarie Key, Ron Jeremy & Chyna
After winning the fuck-a-palooza, Chyna has some time before her next match. Backstage Captain Lou (Ron Jeremy) is getting dirty with ring girl Valarie Key. Valarie struggled with her dialog, but it is even more of a stretch for her act like she is enjoying being fucked from behind by Ron. He’s stuffing a marshmallow into a coin box and it’s about as appealing as chewing on broken glass. Val passes Ron off to Chyna and literally can’t run out of the room fast enough. Watching Ron and Chyna together is just so fucking strange. That both were on The Surreal Life is about the only thought that helped keep my lunch down during this one. Ron squeezes the balloon enough to make his dick slip between her meat flaps and The best part of the scene is when he has her count down. That is still fairly clever trick, but at this point, a Ron Jeremy sex scene is just a bad idea.
Chyna, Evan Stone & Alex Sanders
After a gang bang, a two on one wouldn’t seem like a big deal. But the story works because it features Evan Stone as a rather freaky Hulk Hogan and Alex Stone as a personality-free Rick Flair. The entrance is just bizarre and either intentionally funny or an awesome train wreck. The guys keep her mouth full as Evan pushes to the back of her throat while Alex slaps his little rod against her cheeks. Chyna seems a little low energy here so the guys have to take charge. At one point the mumbles “this feels so good” but other than that, she seems to have checked out a bit. They swing her legs back up to her head and Evan slides into her ass. The monster close up shots show her butt stretching, but also put the stubble and shave bumps front and center in way that almost erases the horror of Ron’s exposed belly button. Once they get going, Evan and Chyna produce some good anal strokes in doggy and then in spoon. Alex is just kind of sitting there with a limp dick in her mouth for most of the scene. It’s just kind of weird. Evan does ass to pussy and back several times, but by now there really isn’t much energy coming out of anyone. She chimes in at the end with a bit of dirty talk as Alex shoots on her face. Evan adds his load and Chyna cleans it up. She seems to zero in one person in every scene and ignore the rest.
Bonus: Bonus Scene (Chyna as She Hulk), BTS, Photo Gallery, Cumshot Recap, Previews, Commercials
