Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody

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Roger T. Pipe

It started as a cure for writers block. I was working on some other projects and would come home every night and write in a journal as a warm up. One day, I was reading alt.sex.movies and found some reviews of porn flicks. I've always loved movies and porn, so I decided to review some tapes form my personal porn collection. I wrote a review, found that I liked it and posted it to asm. The feedback was positive and I just kept writing. I found it a great way to get me started each day, writing about something I enjoyed and pretty soon, people were asking me to review their films and work on a web site. The rest, as they say, is history.

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Overall Rating [12/12]
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Female Looks [9/12]
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Reviews >> Movie Reviews >> Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody

Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody

www.Vivid.com
MOVIE TYPE: Parody
151 Mins.
Vivid Video
THEMES: Parody, Furry, Interracial Sex, Three-Way Sex, Star Wars, Costume Play, Outdoor Sex, Costume Sex
2012
CONDOMS: None
STARS: Allie Haze, Jennifer White, Eve Laurence, Brandy Aniston, Rihanna Rimes, Tom Byron, Lexington Steele, Aiden Ashley, Kimberly Kane, Gia DiMarco, Derrick Pierce, Danny Wylde, Seth Gamble, Rocco Reed

REVIEW-

It would not be a stretch to call this one of the most hotly anticipated porn parodies ever. Star Wars is so iconic that it is the “Star Wars” of pop culture icons. Axel Braun has taken on the movie, THE movie. I mused while watching this flick that I could do a normal review of Star Wars XXX and then post a review just filled with all of the nit-picky geek things that they did “wrong.” I probably won’t do that, but I am sure that I poke some fun at this movie and at my own geekiness as I examine the XXX version of one of my favorite flicks. First let’s look at the good. Overall Star Wars XXX is a really great movie, a ton of fun and should be a must-own for every serious porn fan. It will be nominated for several awards and should probably win quite a few. It features a funny script that is often clever and playfully pokes fun at one of the iconic mythologies of our time. The special effects are often good as well. The space sequences are really good and so are the light saber scenes. Sexually, the movie has some highlights as well. Allie Haze is the only girl with more than one scene. She gets to play Princess Leia and does a nice job. She has a tough job really. How does one portray the sexual fantasy of a few generations of horny nerds? In Allie’s case she does so really well. She looks great in the costumes and shines in her two sex scenes. First she gets to blow Darth Vader (Ignore the creepy dad factor) and does an amazing job with his massive tool. Later she takes on Luke (Ditto the creepy brother factor) and Han at the same time. Great scene there. Eve Laurence teams up with Brandy Aniston for a really hot three-way with Chewbacca. Yeah, that might seem like a really odd scene, but it works. Eve looks great and I wish she had an even bigger part. Most of the other girls are fine as well. Braun has done a pretty nice weaving the sex into a movie that had rather limited fantasy fodder to begin with. There are fun battle scenes and plenty of humor as the script is as much Mel Brooks as it is George Lucas. Of course there is plenty of CGI and some of it is great. One thing I can’t quite figure out is the choice to use computer graphics or the droids. They didn’t look great and other than giving Chi Chi LaRue a chance to camp his way through the dialog, it would seem a choice with no upside. Those scenes stood out as bad in a movie that overall was pretty fucking great. So yeah I could write a few blog posts on all of the things we can pick apart about this movie, but I will leave that for another day. It will all be in good fun anyway. Yes, it would have been nice to see more from Vader, Han and those hot Storm Troopers, but in the end, Star Wars XXX is a really fun movie that everyone should see. I have only two real wishes. First, that I get a chance to enjoy this on Blu-Ray really soon and second, that Axel plans to take on the rest of the series. That would be truly epic. Come on Axel, I dare ya. (But I want a cameo in the next one dammit.)

Allie Haze & Lexington Steele

We always knew that something naughty was going on in that interrogation cell and now we have proof. When Vader wants some information from the beautiful princess, they work out a little deal. Perhaps by using the Force or perhaps because she has a thing for heavy breathers, Leah starts rubbing her pussy and diddling her clit like crazy. Hey, that white robe and the buns in her hair are as burned into my early sexuality as anyone so I can certainly see the appeal here, but when Darth whips out his cock, there is a serious cringe factor. Are we to believe that Axel is going to re-write the entire mythology? Or are we supposed to dig on the whole incest angle? Or maybe we should just enjoy Allie doing her best to swallow that huge cock. Nicely shot BJ here and she isn’t lacking energy by a long shot. She uses both hands, slaps it against her tongue and flashes those pretty eyes for the camera quite nicely. (Side note, how is Vader moaning at the same time his breather is drawing or expelling hair from his lungs?) She holds her tongue out as he shoots his load. Love Allie’s enthusiasm, but the shot from under her chin is a poor choice. Come on! Pretty eyes, hair all done right and we see her cheek and jawbone?

Jennifer White & Tom Byron

Tom Byron is Obi-Wan and when he saves Luke from the Sandpeople this time, he keeps one for himself. Sexy Jennifer White loses the Pink Floyd inspired mask and starts unwrapping herself while Obi-Wan brings balance to her pretty little pussy. Props for turning a non-sexual moment in the original into a pretty hot fuck. Tom pushes her legs up to her chest and fucks her on the speeder, working his stiff saber into her until she’s in orbit. Sliding out of one hole and into another, he ass fucks the Tuscan right out of this pretty Raider. Nice looking anal action as she switches it up and gets on top. They finish off with a nice shot on the face.

Aiden Ashley & Kimberly Kane

Turning the famous Cantina scene into the biggest sex show in the galaxy, Kimberly Kane and Aiden Ashley go digging for clams. In crazy wigs, the two pale girls put on quote a show. Kimberly moves into attack position first, fingering and licking Aiden’s hot little slit and assaulting her tiny twin suns until the nipples pop right up. Turning things around, Aiden makes sure to keep her lips locked on Kimberly’s nipple while stroking that clit and making her fuzzy love box all creamy. This is mostly a throw-away scene, but Kimberly Kane is always worth watching and manages to make it fun.

Rihanna Rimes, Gia DiMarco, Derrick Pierce & Danny Wydle

The fun in the Cantina continues with some intergalactic wife swapping. Danny fucks sexy Rihanna Rimes while Derrick (Complete with horns) sticks it to tattooed Gia DiMarco. Rihanna’s head piece is really cool and quite authentic. It is her body and sexual energy that really draw us in however. She looks fantastic up there in reverse cowgirl and kind of makes us forget that this is more of a group effort. The guys position their partners so that they kiss while getting fucked from behind. This is hot stuff with Gia showing good energy and Rihanna again letting her sexy curves do the talking for her. Both girls drop to the floor for a simultaneous facial.

It takes a long time to get from the Cantina to the next scene. That isn’t a bad thing, but it probably explains why we saw back to back random fucks. Han meets Greedo (Shooting first, last and often), the gang blasts it was out of Mos Eisley, Leia watches her entire planet destroyed, Luke learns the ways of the Force in one simple session with the light saber and everyone comes out of hyperspace just in time for the destroyed planet light show.

Eve Laurence, Brandy Aniston and Chewie

As Obi-Wan tries to deactivate the tractor beam, Chewie passes the time with a pair of hot Storm Troopers, Eve Laurence and Brandy Aniston. Back and looking fucking amazing, Eve takes the first few strokes, showing Brandy how it’s done with her talented mouth. The suit makes it a little hard to get all of the action, but both women are fine BJ artists who seem to take it rather deep. There are some nice longer shots of Eve as she sucks and shows off her body. She has always ha amazing boobs and is truly the complete package body-wise. Brandy takes over for the fucking, letting her ass slide comfortably around some fuzzy Wookie cock. Anal isn’t in Eve’s bag of tricks so she sits nearby and masturbates as Chewie goes balls deep in Storm Trooper ass. At last getting her turn to ride, Eve bounces energetically up and down, letting her huge tits shake as she boisterously extols the virtues furious furry fucking. The girls share a big load, taking it all over their pretty faces.

Braun does some fun with things with the rest of the movie including replacing the trash compactor with a giant clothes dryer, adding some good laughs to the Obi-Wan vs. Vader final fight and including some fun cameos for the big space battle.

Allie Haze, Seth Gamble & Rocco Reed

The Empire’s great weapon has been destroyed (By a kitchen fire, brilliant!) and everyone is happy. How do they celebrate? By fucking of course. This is a porn parody after all. After some funny dialog that makes it clear to all of us nit-picking assholes that Luke and Leia are not related, Luke, Han and Leia hook up for the climactic three-way finale. Though Luke has never kissed a girl before, he catches on quickly with the pretty princess gets her lips around his cock. Han hits it from behind, giving us some nice standing doggy shots. Allie is very enthusiastic as she rides in reverse cowgirl and sucks on a fat cock. Watching he deep throat Rocco with ease is totally hot. He shoots a big load all over her tongue and then she turns to Luke to finish him off as well. This is a very good scene with a super hot finish.

Bonus: BTS, Non-Sex Version, Photo Gallery, Auditions, Previews

www.Vivid.com

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