John Holmes Extreme Facials

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About the Author

Roger T. Pipe

It started as a cure for writers block. I was working on some other projects and would come home every night and write in a journal as a warm up. One day, I was reading and found some reviews of porn flicks. I've always loved movies and porn, so I decided to review some tapes form my personal porn collection. I wrote a review, found that I liked it and posted it to asm. The feedback was positive and I just kept writing. I found it a great way to get me started each day, writing about something I enjoyed and pretty soon, people were asking me to review their films and work on a web site. The rest, as they say, is history.

Overall Rating [7/12]
Female Looks [5/12]
Male Looks [5/12]
Picture Quality [6/12]
Extras [5/12]
Sex [4/12]

Reviews >> Movie Reviews >> John Holmes Extreme Facials

John Holmes: Extreme Facials

MOVIE TYPE: Compilation

115 Mins.


DIRECTOR: Compilation

THEMES: Big Cocks, Classic Porn, Facials



STARS: John Holmes, Seka, Desiree Cousteau, Serena, Kimberly Carson


Yes this is a compilation, but I’m giving it the full review treatment. I don’t think I have reviewed any of the classic movies represented here so it’s all new material to me. I’ve seen a few of the movies, but never reviewed them until now. Those of you familiar with classic porn already know what to expect. The editing and camerawork is not what we get today. The women can be beautiful, but don’t perform the way today’s porn stars do. Good or bad, that’s just what we get. We also get the legendary cock of John Holmes for two solid hours. As the title promises, every scene ends with a facial. In fact, many of them feature shared double facials. (And you thought cum swapping was a new thing.) Some of the biggest female stars of the era pop up here. Seka takes on John and so does Desiree Cousteau. Kimberly Carson also pops up in one of her most fun scenes. Fans of Holmes will like this collection. The transfer is pretty good and the variety of scenes is excellent. If you’ve never seen Holmes, then this will give you a good look at what all the hype is about. Remember kids, John had all this going on without any blue pills to help out.


John has his cock sucked by a blonde woman in the opening scene. She is pretty and his dick is about as thick as her wrist. The shorts are disturbingly close and seem thrown together. It is amazing to watch these classic scenes and compare them to how things are shot now. There is a facial here and it’s not bad.

Lust in America

John hooks up with Sheri St. Claire this time. I always thought that she was painfully underrated. There aren’t a lot of hard core shots here. John goes down on her and then stuffs his dick into her pussy. In between there is a decent blowjob thanks mostly to the long shots of Shari’s body. We don’t actually see the penetration though, just the look on her face. John gets behind her and plays with her asshole, eventually wedging his dick back there. No more face shots, just Shari’s ass stretched by his big dick. Eventually he dangles that big cock over hand unloads all over her face. Told you she was underrated.

Little French Maid

Bad voice overs and big cocks carry the day in this next scene. A pretty blonde maid sucks John hard, undresses for him and whips out a set of tits so perfect that they shouldn’t be real. (But are.) Eventually Paul Thomas brings his bad suit over to the bed and joins the fun. They take turns fucking her with extreme close up shots that allow to actually count the public hairs in her thick bush. For those of who think hardcore was invented with gonzo, here is a little DP action for you. This pretty young thing take PT in the pussy and John in the ass. She doesn’t look any worse for the wear either. Coming out with a smile on her face she lets them fuck her one at a time and then hangs her head off the edge of the bed for a big sticky facial finish.

Inside Desiree Cousteau

A little cock sharing between friends (Jessie St James perhaps) has John’s dick hard. Desiree gets taken away though and ends up fucking some other guy while the blonde takes the big facial. Good facial on this one.

Sweet Alice

Seka, scarf and all, gets hurt while skiing. She waits for a medic naked in bed. Once John shows up to check her leg the action moves forward quickly. With a friend along for the ride Seka takes on the legendary cock with no problem. The other girl winces a big on penetration, but is happy to suck his balls while John fucks Seka. They share the load at the end.

Little French Maid

Round two from this flick. This time two little honeys get fucked by John. They pull him out of the Jacuzzi and put on a show as they strip one another. The girls stay in their scarves and garters while sharing the big tool. There are scenes in this collection that hide Holmes dick and others that really show it off. This is one that emphasizes the impressive stature. As he fucks the girls the camera stays away for a while and then gets right up next to the action. There are some nice shots of the girls in 69 licking while John goes anal on the little blonde. This is actually pretty good sexually. It wouldn’t win any awards today for sexual energy, but there is a real spark here and a lot of anal action. Once again the cumshot lands on their faces as the girls are kissing. Kind of hot the way they never stop as he unloads.

California Valley Girl

This is a hot little scene with four young Valley Girls learning how to be good hookers. They have to learn how to give head. Kimberly Carson is one of the girls in the mix and she is just so fucking sexy. There are plenty of “oh my God” moments, but the girls dutifully learn their lessons. The girls play their parts so well that some of the early footage is pretty silly, but eventually we get to watch as they learn to suck and stroke a huge slab of meat. Desiree Lane is another of the girls and she is also quite cute as she struggles to get even the head into her young mouth. They end up sharing the facial quite well. Four hungry girls eating your nut, not a bad day at work eh John?

The Raincoat Crowd

This one looks really old and has an orange tint to it. It features two lovely ladies sucking John’s dick though. The girls work well together as he fucks one and then slips it into the other’s mouth. This short scene ends with another double facial. All of these are starting to look the same so it must have been quite the rage to have the girls kissing while someone unloaded on them.

Summertime Blue

Fun on a boat for John and a blonde whose best angle is from behind. Her ass looks good in shorts, but that kind of ends the eye candy. She looks kind of torn up, but maybe that’s just the make up and bad hair. Give her credit for giving a pretty good blowjob. I do believe that she pit hair as well. That might turn some people on. The action is fairly low key, but fans of hairy bushes and facials should find this scene at least somewhat interesting.

California Gigolo

The pretty blonde in this scene is very impressed by John’s cock. She paid a lot for it and is ready to take on the challenge. Sucking it slowly, she manages to get an awful lot of that thing into her mouth. To warm up her pussy she fucks herself with a wine bottle. John licks the bush for a while and then gives her what she paid so much for. It takes a bit of squeezing, but he gets it into her eventually. It is a single-position fuck that ends with a big load all over her tongue and face.

Little French Maid

One more time for this classic flick. John shares some blonde pussy with another guy in what could be a carbon copy of the other scene. As she rides one big cock, the horny blonde sucks the other. With John taking the ass, the guys double up on her. This time it is a very short DP with a nice big facial shot at the end.

Prisoner of Paradise

This movie has a Nazi them. The bad guys have John and his cute friend at gunpoint. Eventually she is forced to suck his dick with the Nazis watching. The German girls take John’s place and do some naughty Nazi licking. Back to the fucking, John bends his girl over and nails her with his big dick. He ends up jerking off in her mouth and then spilling the seed all over her face.

Bonus: Trailers & Photo Gallery

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