Private: Jason Colt: The Mystery of the Sexy Diamonds

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Roger T. Pipe

It started as a cure for writers block. I was working on some other projects and would come home every night and write in a journal as a warm up. One day, I was reading alt.sex.movies and found some reviews of porn flicks. I've always loved movies and porn, so I decided to review some tapes form my personal porn collection. I wrote a review, found that I liked it and posted it to asm. The feedback was positive and I just kept writing. I found it a great way to get me started each day, writing about something I enjoyed and pretty soon, people were asking me to review their films and work on a web site. The rest, as they say, is history.

Overall Rating [2/12]
★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Female Looks [10/12]
★★★★★★★★★★☆☆
Male Looks [8/12]
★★★★★★★★☆☆☆☆
Picture Quality [11/12]
★★★★★★★★★★★☆
Extras [5/12]
★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Plot Acting [9/12]
★★★★★★★★★☆☆☆
Sex [0/12]
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Reviews >> Movie Reviews >> Private: Jason Colt: The Mystery of the Sexy Diamonds

Private: Jason Colt: The Mystery of the Sexy Diamonds



MOVIE TYPE: Feature

95 Mins.

Private

www.Private.com

DIRECTOR: JCJ Villalobos

THEMES: Euro Babes

CONDOMS: None

2007

7/06

STARS: Cindy Crawford, Annie Cruz, Kapri Styles, Courtney Simpson,

REVIEW-

I actually saw a couple of scenes from this movie in a Private Best of 07 compilation last month. It’s kind of odd to see them first in a comp and then in the feature. When I saw these scenes they came with some extended story as well. I was blown away by the look of the movie and wanted to see it right away. It has a James Bond/Jason Bourne feel to it and is impressive as a feature even in short clips. I also really wanted to see the movie because of the cast. Cindy Crawford, Courtney Simpson and Annie Cruz are all fantastic performers. We don’t usually get to see them in Private movies so I’m looking forward to seeing what they can do. If the sex scenes are as impressive as the mainstream action and the cast, then we might have an early contender for

Kapri Styles

For all the style and story that leads up to the first scene, it really is a bit of a throw away. Colt is sent to look for a lovely young woman, (Kapri) who he happens to have a thing with a while back. As he drives around town spouting off angry dialog, we cut in and out of the sex scene. Kapri looks beautiful being fucked, but the dreamy sequence and the constant cut-aways take away a little too much heat for my taste. There are moments of brilliance, but this does more to set the stage than it does to entice the audience to fall into fits of self love.

The second scene is as odd as the first. It is a flash back scene featuring an agent getting close to a mark. Colt will be following in this guy’s footsteps, but hopefully won’t end up dead. There are some black and white flashes of a tryst that just seems to end as a girl/girl scene takes over. As impressed as I am by this movie as a whole, the sex has been pretty disappointing. It is fun watching Cindy Crawford and Courtney Simpson get it on, but the slow motion and constant cutting makes it virtually impossible to get out of what we would like.

Things actually get worse sexually thanks to an outdoor scene between Nick Manning and Annie Cruz. For the first time in the movie we get live audio and what do we hear? Nick growling his way through another scene that is ruined by his incessant over-compensation chatter. Annie provides the hottest sex so far and manages to make me at least want to like the scene. Even with Nick screaming “dropping loads” like some two-bit wanna be wrestler, the facial shot is pretty damn hot.

Cindy is back, this time fucking Van Damage in a hot tub. The underwater stuff is beautiful, but we are back to an odd mix of artistic shots, slow motion sex and the agonizing realization that virtually no one is going to be able to masturbate to this.

Annie comes back with Van and Nick and once again provides the best sexual heat of the movie. There is less of Nick to worry about, but still all of the same elements that make this an odd jerk off movie to say the least. She gets fucked hard and takes it up the ass, but this only makes me wonder just what they were thinking when they made this movie.

Wow. What happened? This is one of the best looking features I have seen in a long time. It is easily as good as anything other than Upload in the past year. With great editing, a slick script and tons of mainstream appeal, that end of the project is perfect. The cast is great. Annie Cruz shows up twice and so does Cindy Crawford. Courtney Simpson drops in to make her beautiful presence felt. So what could possibly go wrong? How about sex scenes that are so un-Private I had to triple check to make sure I wasn’t watching something by some other company. I have never seen a Private movie with such soft, out of rhythm sex scenes. As much as I love this movie from a feature standpoint, the sex scenes are just dreadful. Some of them are pretty, but they make Wicked and Vivid stuff look absolutely hard and strokeable. So what could have been the best feature of the year is actually one of the most disappointing. By all means, check this out if you like well shot action and porn flicks that could be de-sexed for late night cable viewing. Just make sure you have a Mike John movie waiting to finish what this movie can’t.


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