Killing Courtney Luv

MOVIE TYPE: Feature

142 Mins.

VCA

www.vcapictures.com

DIRECTOR: Joe Gallant

THEMES: Outdoor Sex, Anal Sex

CONDOMS: None

2005

7/05

STARS: Phoebe Luxe, Sandy Cheeks, ReVay, Mariah Lynn, Harley Raine, Dino Bravo, Kenny, Rod Fontana & Dean James.

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REVIEW-

We’ve heard an awful lot about this movie. I don’t know if it is officially part of the alt.porn scene, but it is certainly not your standard Porn Valley fuck and suck project. So far, I have been less than impressed with this wave of porn. Not that I mind new, edgy smut. I rather like the combination of good film making, interesting stories and hot sex. I don’t even mind the cast of unknowns and locals. Sometimes fresh blood is a really good idea. Gallant has a whole cast of porn outsiders and shoots on the streets of New York. It’s a gritty flick that fits with the dark and semi-twisted script. So now we get to see how Courtney Luv matches up against Britney Rears battle of the porn flick/rock & pop star names.

The movie opens with a long voice over that takes about eight words to remind us all of what a great movie “Taxi Driver” was. I’m not sure if this is a word for word “tribute” but it’s pretty clear that this lonely taxi driver is going to play a key role in the adventure to follow. We are also introduced to Courtney’s band. They have become disillusioned with her and are looking to replace their lead singer. There is also some annoying art film dialog that sets up our introduction to Courtney (Phoebe Luxe) as she masturbates on a rooftop. She’s a decent looking blonde with big tits and a bit of extra padding all over. Why is she ramming a dildo up her ass? We really don’t know and I suppose it doesn’t really matter. She gives us some good toy play and then adds enema action to the mix. Twice she fills up and expels the liquid near the edge of the roof.

Our cab driver is obsessed with Courtney and writes another long journal entry expressing his psychotic love for her. Intrigued by his friend’s obsession, Dino Bravo goes downtown to check Courtney out. Instead he runs into her assistant, Harley Raine and they hit it off right away. They go into a back alley where he licks her ass. She pops his cock in her mouth and sucks on it like she’s in love. The action is a little cramped, but they get after it pretty good. Moving from the alley inside they are better able to go wild. Haley takes it up the ass from behind, below and just about every other way one can take it. She takes a big load on the chin.

One of his other friends hooks up with Courtney’s manager, Mariah Lynn and they also find love on the roof top. Mariah is a plain looking red head with big tits. She puts her lips around his cock and sucks it hard. The action continues to be anal as eh rams fingers into her tight hole to get it warmed up. Mariah slams her butt down and takes very inch between her cheeks. She’s soft around the middle and isn’t exactly setting the world on fire with sexual energy, but she does the job. There is a lot of RCA and A2M both outside and later when the finish the scene indoors. She takes a shot on her face and he even gives her a little peck right in the middle of the puddle of goo.

Our hero finally gets Courtney in his cab and she is less than receptive to his philosophy. She freaks out and gets out of his cab. Meanwhile Rod Fontana is paying a visit to RaVey who has plenty in store for him. This working girl looks pretty beat up. She’s got a lot of facial piercings, a big gap between her front teeth and just isn’t the sort of girl we are used to seeing in porn. She does show off some nice flexibility as she takes a dildo in her ass and lets Rod pound away on her pussy. She certainly takes a lot of dick in her ass so there is some appeal during the anal action. Rod pounds her ass and then lets her take him to the root in her mouth until he glazes her face.

Sandy Cheeks is a Courtney fan who will do anything to meet her idol. The dud who nailed her manager is happy to have this chick dance for him in exchange for a meet and greet. Sandy is all right looking, but that thick New York accent almost sounds like someone doing a parody. After a short dance and an even shorter blowjob, she puts her ass down around his cock and starts riding. The action is anally oriented and like the others, she takes it up the ass like a champ. After getting plugged in the butt, the little fan girl gets a big shot right on her face.

I’m actually laughing as I watch the next scene. There is a blow up doll soap opera on the screen and the phrase “overblown senses of self” comes from the speaker. I couldn’t say it better myself, especially with his foot perched on the stand ready to knock over the TV. Over it goes. Why not just have him stand in front of the mirror parroting the “you talkin’ to me” line over and over? On the way to final scene we get a little public blowjob action that is at least interesting. The cabby overhears the band’s plot to kill Courtney but I have to say that I couldn’t give a shit at this point. Kill the bitch. Nominate her to the Supreme Court. Let her play centerfield for the Yankees. Whatever the fuck it takes to get this movie finished.

Courtney dances on stage with a gun, sucking on it. Just before it goes off in her mouth, our hero saves the day. (Dammit) She rewards him by taking home for a hot fuck. (Even this simple porn ending is dripping with pretentious crap and grainy hand held footage.) By the time the sex starts the lights are at least on. Like every other scene in the movie this one goes for the anal very quickly. Phoebe does a good job of taking that dick in her ass and the actual sex isn’t horrible here. It just took so long to get to that my head hurts. Courtney gets fucked in the ass and wears a load of cum on her face. I guess that’s living happily ever after.

If you haven’t seen enough pretentious drunken film school stuff, check out the “director’s profile.” It features two blow up dolls doing the interview with Gallant. He explains the movie and the symbolism for those of us who haven’t been smoking crack throughout the project. It sounds an awful lot like a game we used to play in college. We would examine each other’s film projects and then drink heavily until we could fill in the crappy parts with far-reaching symbolism. It’s a lot more fun when you don’t think the people involved are being serious.

OK, so what do we have in the end? Is this alt.porn? Is it art porn? I don’t know. I’ve got such a headache that I can hardly see my screen. As I said before I really like good feature porn. Ground-breaking stuff can be brilliant and the film school geek in me always wants to see something new. The problem is that we don’t have anything ground-breaking or remotely good in this movie. It’s “Taxi Driver” with an unhealthy dose of Oliver Stone’s twist on “Natural Born Killers.” Technically it’s a mess. Some if it may be intentional, but a lot of it is just bad stuff covered up by grainy footage and rapid-fire editing. Sexually it’s a complete disaster. The girls aren’t very pretty and unless you’re really anally oriented, there isn’t much here. What’s left is a long ride on the pretentiousness train that comes without pretty girls, features flat sex scenes, ripped off and badly delivered dialog and is a complete mess technically. Somehow Joe Gallant has given me a new appreciation for Paul Thomas.


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