MOBSTER’S WIFE
MOBSTER’S WIFEOVERALL RATING: 4
130 Mins.
DIRECTOR: Paul Thomas
Vivid
THEMES: Story, Interracial Sex.
1998 (6/98)
STARS: Lexus, Alexandra Silk, Katie Gold, Derrick Lane, Kelly Jean, Summer Daze, Shay Sweet, Stephanie Swift, Vince Voyeur, Mr. Marcus.
REVIEW:
This is it. That once a year, highly touted film from Vivid that is supposed to set the standard and make porn critics near and far cream in their jeans trying to be the first to say what a brilliant piece of erotic film making it is. Of course, as snippy as I sound, recall it was about a year ago I started off the same way, ready to bag on ‘Bad Wives’ only to award it nearly perfect marks in all ways. On the other hand, this film is not blessed with the talents of Melissa Hill and Dyanna Lauren. (At least PT went out and got Stephanie Swift again.) Added to the mix of pre-release hype is the anticipation of Lexus hooking up in an interracial scene. (At least the net buzz said that was the big event.) Now that all the cards seem on the table, let’s see if Thomas’ tale of gangsters, guns and gals can live up to the lofty standards or down to the most pessimistic prognostications.
Tony Tedeschi and Mr. Marcus play Tarantino-esque hit men with a penchant for meaningless dialog. Their two minute discussion on cheesecake wears thin at about the forty second mark. Not that Marcus and Tedeschi should get anything but praise for the way they pull off the scene. It’s just too big a task to make something so totally unfunny, anything but painful. (Besides, the ‘Cheesecake Pie’ speech would have been funnier had Thomas just had them do a direct rip-off of the ‘Royale With Cheese’ bit from “Pulp Fiction”.) This unpleasant bit of business out of the way we move forward with the story. (Only after some very familiar surf guitar riffs. Come on!) Mob boss Vince Voyeur is a man who likes to get things done quickly. So, he brings his piece on the side, Lexus, a vibrator and tells her to warm herself up while he watches. Looking entirely too thin, as usual, Lexus gives us a minute and a half of over the top solo before inviting Vince to join her. (But not before doing a very bad Jersey accent.) What follows is a way too fast fuck, basically void of any erotic content, up to and including the pop shot on her tits. I certainly hope there was something vital in the plot that had them hurrying through the sex like this. (Not that I mind. Lexus holds little interest for me under the best conditions.)
As they finish up, Vince’s wife shows up, pounding on the warehouse door. Alexandra Silk immediately stands out for her outstanding performance. While he rushes out to calm her down, Lexus seems to take a shine to Mr. Marcus. This time the dialog is crisp and well written with Tedeschi, Silk and Voyeur doing a fine job. Through some interesting twists, Vince sends his wife to California with Tony as her personal bodyguard. The beach front house they stay in comes staffed with a pair of super cute maids, Katie Gold and Shay Sweet.
With wifey in California, Vince should be in paradise with Lexus, but he ends up summoned to Vegas by an even bigger boss. Lexus whines her way along for the ride, prompting Vince to bring Marcus along to watch her. Back on the beach, Katie has taken a shine to Alexandra and we get the second sex scene of the movie. The setting is gorgeous and Katie is always cute, but Alexandra’s sexual heat is just not up to par with her partner’s here. Super high style points, but not many for sexual heat. Of course, the sight turns Tony on and when Shay sees him stroking his cock, things look up considerably. The problem is, Shay and Tony is intercut with Katie and Alexandra, thus negating any sexual momentum the film might build up. What ends up happening is just as Shay gets going with some really nice cocksucking (The first sexually hot moment of this film), we cut away to a very average lesbian pairing. Total waste of a good scene and I still don’t understand why people cut movies this way. Shay and Tony do provide the only sexual highlights to this point with their hot, tabletop fuck. OK, Alexandra fucking Katie’s ass with a dildo isn’t totally boring, but overall, it’s a one sided battle between these two scenes. Nice, if quick anal piledriver for Shay, followed by a semi-facial (Most of it ends up on her neck.)
While everyone is having fun in the sun in Malibu, Vince is trying to figure out exactly why he was summoned to Vegas. Part of the puzzle is revealed by Derrick Lane. Forget the dialog and go right to the sex he gets from his blonde massage therapist, Summer Daze. A bit overweight and not at all pretty, I honestly can’t figure out how this woman ended up in this movie. She is more active than a few of the other women starring in this film, but still, I see nothing to recommend in this scene at all. (Why couldn’t this have been intercut with one of the other equally unwatchable scenes?)
Lexus is getting bored (Join the club.) it seems and fills her time teasing Marcus by shaving in front of him. (Her pussy, not her face.) This time she actually does some hot solo action, teasing him as she gets off on her fake cock. While that is going on up stairs, Vince meets a mysterious woman, (Stephanie Swift) at the bar. After a rocky start and some better than average dialog, they retire to the bathroom. At last, after nearly an hour, we get a hot sex scene, with a gorgeous woman that is not cut up and ruined. Vince takes his time stripping her down and Stephanie teases him with her perfect body a while before finally going down on his hard rod. Stephanie looks great from every angle, but the best captured sex here has her bent over the bathroom counter while Vince fucks her hard from behind. Great heat and a wonderful looking scene, proving already that Swift should have been the lead in this film. For good measure, she even has a vibe up her ass while Vince cums on her very pretty face. Thankfully, she keeps right on going, getting herself off with the fake cock in her butt even after having her face painted.
As it turns out, all the mobsters are in town for a wedding. The big man’s daughter is marrying the son of another boss. You guessed it sports fans, Stephanie is the bride to be and by leaving her man at the alter, she sets in motion the final act in this already too long saga. First, the women around Vince have to betray him. Alexandra is first, taking Tony in a Jacuzzi. She has a lot more appeal in this scene than in her first pairing. Great deep throat action as she tickles her tonsils before riding his lap log. She gets really vocal, eventually begging for anal sex. Great job by both Silk and Tedeschi in this scene. She is a foul mouthed hottie here and he gives her a power fuck that would make Rocco proud. (OK, maybe not that hard, but remember how bland things have been to this point.) She finishes him off with her hand and licks the cum from his belly.
Vince shows up in California, making things uncomfortable for the new couple. Things are even more uncomfortable by the fact that Vince has Lexus and Marcus posing as a couple and has to hide the fact that he fucked Stephanie. After way too much pointless dialog, things settle down again. Staying in the same room with Lexus is plenty rough on Marcus. Lucky for him she decides to give him something special. Those of you who have been waiting to see a Vivid girl do an interracial scene may be excited to finally see Lexus with Marcus. As she slides up to ride his face, Alexandra listens at the door, getting so turned on she rushes right in to fuck Tony. They end up being interrupted by Vince and Alexandra ends up watching Lexus ride Marcus. At least we don’t have to sit through another cut up sex scene. Besides, with Alex giving some hot talk in the background, the below average performance of Lexus is less painful to watch. The dildo DP is ten times hotter than the actual fucking going on. Finally Marcus wises up and invites a live girl to join them in bed. Alexandra instantly reduces Lexus to a piece of background decoration, seizing the scene and once again providing some serious heat as Marcus busts her sweet little ass. After she sucks his cock dry, we cut so crudely into the next scene that it almost looks like they were running out of time.
Vince, unsure of what to do, now has his cock in Katie while Shay gets herself off nearby. Why is it that the best fucks in Vivid movies seem to be the bit players? Katie works circles around Lexus and even looks a hell of a lot better. When she has had her turn, Shay takes over, proving that she too, leaves the high prices blonde blow up doll in the dust sexually. In one of the best looking shots of the film, Vince has Katie’s legs back over her shoulder while Shay looks on. This gives him an easy path right up her ass. Why is something this good, buried at the end as an almost afterthought? Love the facial shared by these two blonde cuties. Bravo ladies, bravo.
I tend to applaud plots that make sense and/or can make me laugh. ‘Mobster’s Wife’ had some of this for sure. However, there were just too many pointless dialog scenes that go nowhere and provide not so much as a chuckle. Some of the non-sex performances were outstanding. Alexandra Silk and Tony Tedeschi both deserve acting awards for this film. Vince Voyeur and Mr. Marcus both show some flashes of competent acting. While Silk also turns in some hot sexual moments, most of the strokeable scenes come from the bit players, Swift, Sweet and Gold. Lexus is pretty awful as both an actress and a sexual performer in this movie. If you’re going to give someone lines shouldn’t they at least be able to speak? And if she can’t act, shouldn’t she be able to fuck? And if that doesn’t work, shouldn’t she at least be nice to look at? While the big interracial even has been much talked about, was a complete waste of hype. “Mobster’s Wife” is certainly not the worst thing put out this year, it is a far cry from the best. If you want a sexy, well acted movie, starring a super hot Vivid Girl, put this one down, pick up “Masseuse 3” and thank me later.
