Sex Lives of Clowns
VCA, 1995
Director: Wesley Emerson
Stars: Jeanna Fine, Sarah Jane Hamilton, Kaitlyn Ashley, Debi Diamond, Crystal Wilder, Brooke Waters, Nicole London, Jonathan Morgan, Jon Dough, Mike Horner, Cal Jammer
Themes: Big boobs, clowns.
Overall Rating: 8+
What can you say about an adult video that starts out with a genuinely funny clown shoe joke, even before the credits roll? Well, we don’t say anything about it. Instead, we sit back and enjoy the first scene.
Batting leadoff in this feature are Debi Diamond and Jon Dough. Dressed oddly like Marilyn Monroe, Diamond, explains Dough, is a clown groupie who just can’t get enough of her favorite funny man. Possibly the most consistently hot woman in porn history, Debi offers no surprises here. From the momentet she writhes onto the bed, she is smoking with out of control sexuality. How can words describe this beautiful woman with absolutely zero gag reflex? Every time I see her give head on screen, I am amazed at how head and shoulders above the over glamed, fashion plates that adorn the box covers of certain video companies she actually. They don’t hold a candle to Debi, but hey, that’s just my not so humble opinion all right?
Aside from Debi, this scene is technically sound, with outstanding lighting, good sound and sharp, crisp editing. This really ads to the overall athletics of an already scorching sex scene. Dough has Debi doggy on the bed and absolutely fucks her like the world depends on it. The blonde sex Goddess takes everything he has and then some. The shots of Debi, with her legs pulled back as her shaved slit gets crammed full of hard cock are spectacular, and lead us right into a similarly positioned anal boning. There is a cut here before a good facial, so no confirmed ass to mouth, but who cares. Debi gobbles up every drop of Jon’s goo and smiles as she wipes it clean.
Now the plot thickens. Sarah Jane Hamilton leads us in a documentary on the sex lives of clowns. (What WILL they think of next?) She has a sit down interview with Jonathan Morgan, who is hilarious as always, as a jacked up clown who likes to work with sock on his hand. His tubular friend helps him with some foreplay with gal pal Kaitlyn Ashley. For any of you who have not seen in my other reviews the great praise I shower upon this blonde beauty, let me make it very clear, that Kaitlyn is nothing short of perfection! As she teases and plays on the bed with Morgan clad only in a purple bra and G string, it is evident, that he is perhaps the luckiest mother fucker on the face of the planet.
Overwhelming prasie aside, once Kaitlyn gets her clothes off her sexual performance is nothing short of breathtaking. There is some very hot sixty nine followed up with Ms. Ashley shoving her huge tits into Morgan’s face as she rides his cock. She even does her best gymnast impersonation as she throws her perfect legs up over his shoulders to get pounded in a major way. Best of all, her exceptionally long tongue makes a perfect landing strip for his jets of thick cum. A better than great ending to an outstanding scene.
Up next is clown Mike Horner who is hanging out with Crystal Wilder and Brooke Waters. Not a bad way to spend your free time I guess. Underneath his suit and tie, Mike is decked out in full clown garb, which for some reason does not slow down these two amorous vixens. This duo makes a very nice contrast. A busty blonde in white undies, Crystal and a thin, petite redhead in black leather boots, Brooke. Hey, if your at the buffet table, who not sample some of each? Ms. Wilder handles most of the sucking here as Brooke fingers her shaved pussy and lovely asshole. I just want to know how, with both of them lying side by side, legs spread, did Mike choose which flavor to taste first. The shots of Brooke squatting over Crystal’s face while she holds the blonde’s legs back so Mike can pound her wildly is pretty fresh and really hot. There is even a bit of girl/girl stockinged toe sucking. And Brooke looks outstanding on her back, with Mike’s cock in her mouth and her boot clad legs high in the air as Crystal munches out. What a body she’s got. After giving Brooke a good pumping, Mike pulls out and sprays an very impressive wad across both of the sexy faces. No cum ducking from this duo as they share the protein shake like it’s made from the best stuff on earth. (No, wait, that’s Snapple, what am I thinking?)
Up next is Nicole London, who I will admit, I have never much cared for. She is paired here with Cal Jammer and another uncredited stud. To be perfectly honest, this is an absolute nondescript sex scene. Nothing all that exciting, and no one seems to care much about being there. (I wouldn’t have been surprised to see them all punch a time card on the way out.) For what its worth, there is a brief DP and a decent looking double facial. Nicole’s mouth open to the sky is pretty darn sexy, but compared to the rest of the scenes, this one comes up way short.
Jeanna Fine is a female clown who uses her horn to honk every time she gets horny. She is paired with Kaitlyn Ashley, who is bound to make anyone’s horn section play a fucking symphony. This duo of licking lesbians look great together and have no trouble lighting up the screen. Never short on the enthusiasm scale, Jeanna dives right between Kaitlyn’s thighs and goes to town. Returning the favor, Kaitlyn brings Jeanna off to an earth shattering string of climaxes. For those of you summarily dismiss silicone enhanced chests, take a gander at two of the best boob jobs in X here. Both women have benefited greatly from their enlarged hooters. A final note, Jeanna Fine has got to be the best talker in all of porn. Just to hear her endless string of erotic orations is a thing of wonder not soon to be forgotten.
Having finished her research, Sarah Jane returns home to go over her notes. They must not be too enthralling, as she soon nods of to sleep, only to awaken with Jon Dough snacking on her English Muffin. Her shaved pussy just begs to be sucked dry. Sarah Jane looks stunning in this scene, truly beautiful. Especially when she puts her oral talents to good use, bathing Dough’s pole in her saliva. Great shots of this incredible looking woman during her blow job are a highlight. Lest one be inclined to forget the talent that made Ms. Hamilton a star, she sprays a classic squirt all over as Dough fucks her silly. Her breasts, bordering on huge here, look great as Jon gives it to her really hard. They look even better dangling down and swaying as he takes her from behind over the arm of her couch. Ever the superslut, Sarah Jane dismounts just in time to take a massive geyser right across her beautiful face. This could not have turned out any better had they tried, with equal amounts of goo splashing into her mouth, across her face and in her hair. Best of all, the camera does not speed off, lingering instead on the incredible sight of this English lass with the protein facial mask.
The closing scene between Crystal Wilder and Cal Jammer is almost an anticlimax after that classic. This is not, however, the fault of either Jammer or Wilder, but rather a testament to the others. Crystal and Cal seem to genuinely enjoy each other here, and she looks, as always terrific. Once again, it is the point of view shots of her giving head that steal the attention. A prettier pair of eyes than these green stunners would be tough to find. (What is it about this cast and their gorgeous eyes?) Cal just can’t seem to get his throbbing cock into her shaved pussy fast enough. Must be some head. After a very long, loud and well captured bone fest, Crystal gobbles up, then players with Cal’s sizable load. Great way to end this superior vid.
In all, this is great looking porn. Superior lighting and camera work highlight a gorgeous cast, that is almost without fail, the very best in the business. Ashley, Fine, Hamilton, Diamond, Waters and Wilder all shine in a nearly perfect gem of sex vid. The plot is nothing more than space fillers between scenes, but that just means it won’t get in the wa
y of the intense sexual action going on. Pick this one up and add it to your collection.
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