RAMBONE THE DESTROYER
Wet Video- 1985
DIR: William Whett
STARS: Dick Rambone, Kari Foxx, Lois Ayers, Heather Wayne, Keli Richards, Patti Petite, and Tom Byron.
THEMES: White Slavery, Casting Couch, Big Cocks, Revenge Fucking.
OVERALL RATING: 8
REVIEW:
Ah, the Golden Age of porn, the 1980’s, pre gonzo, when virtually every video had at least some lame excuse for a plot, when silicone was nearly unheard of, and when moderately attractive hose monsters fucked and sucked with total ferocity. It was also a time when some quick triggered strokers were likely to lose it during the lengthy previews. (This time during the seven-minute marathon for ‘Licorice Twists’ an interracial fuck fest starring Ingrid Elliot AKA Penny Morgan, AKA Rachel Ryan.) Such previews also served as the opening credit sequence in 80’s Wet Videos. After another five-minute highlight reel of this flick, we finally get set for the start of the movie.
White slaver Ms. Lithania, (Patti Petite) and her henchman Deadeye (Steve Powers) have a good scam going. They place ads for a national dance company, only to kidnap the unsuspecting applicants to sell them to overseas clients. Enter their newest find, Suzie Q (Penny Morgan). Alone with her find, Patti decides to see just how much Penny can take. Those of you who remember these two stars, know that putting them in the same scene in a recipe for hot, nasty girl/girl sex. I had read an article when this movie came out, written by a PA on the set. According to the story, Penny and Patti almost came to blows off screen, so deep was their dispisal of each other. (Perhaps porn’s second great rivalry, after the Ginger/Traci feud.) The director reportedly told the two battling wenches to put their differences aside and fuck the shit out of each other instead. Well, how much of that is fact, and how much is porn legend (Translation= Total BS), however, the way they attack each other does seem to fit in with this description. Patti sucks and bites at Penny’s clit while fucking her with a big dildo. She also spends a lot of time fingering her own hot pussy. (With nails like that it’s a wonder she doesn’t die of internal bleeding.) Since these two nasty women were some of porn’s greatest anal queens, you just know that after a good rimming, Patti is bound to bust that ass with her strap on. She goes nuts on Penny, doggy fucking her and using a butt plug for a killer DP.
Valley girl dancer Heather Wayne comes for her interview only to meet up with Deadeye. Although Powers’ semi retarded tough guy act is annoying, Heather plays the naive girl really well. She gets through about thirty seconds of her interview before being jumped on. Nice guy that Deadeye is, he makes sure to lick her long and hard before making her do any work. I noticed something about Heather a long time ago. Whenever she is on her back, either being eaten, or fucked, she pulls her legs up and apart, making sort of a butterfly with her gorgeous legs. (Was that little bit of Rog observation really necessary?) Proving that she can do more than dance, Heather goes to work polishing his knob with her very active tongue. Great eye contact here, which is perfect for such a pretty face. After the brief oral, Heather lays back for a bit of ‘butterfly’ missionary sex. Ms. Wayne was not always into her scenes, but she does get very vocal during the long doggy fuck she takes before having her back and ass covered in cum. In a great move, she reaches back, wipes the cum up and licks it from her fingers.
Next into the office, is Cundilini, some sort of Arab sheik (With an Italian name.) played by Marc Wallace. Once again, the accent is lame and annoying, but who is watching this for the acting anyway? Finding no new girls, Cundilini is kept busy by Lithania herself. Anyone who has ever seen Patti Petite in action knows that she is not one to take a cock quietly. She looks like she can’t wait to show Marc what a first class porn slut can do with a midget sized prick. Since throating him is hardly a challenge, Patti has to make up for it by slobbering all over and giving one of the most enthusiastic suckjobs you will ever see. Either she is a first class faker, or Patti doesn’t need a big cock to make her squeal. I just love the way her pixie-like frame bends and folds to meet any need. Quite sexy. Marc sprays his load into her bush, finishing of a scene that in only good because of Patti.
Tom Byron is the next customer, and he happens by just in time to interview another new dancer, Keli Richards. This brunette, with the heavy Boston accent, is not pretty by any stretch of the imagination, but she is sexy as hell. As Tom begins his interview, Deadeye intrudes, but rather than come to blows, the duo decide to give Keli a double interview. She has no problem stripping down to get a job (Personal experience?) and in no time the three are rolling around on the bed, fighting for position.
They end up with Keli on her back as Tom sucks on her meaty pussy and Steve fills her mouth with his cock. Keli, as always sucks with the best of them, and loves to have her labes munched. Her furry love box gets drilled good and hard by a young, clean cut Tom Byron while she moans as loudly as possible with her mouth so full. Her ass also needs to be filled, and no sooner does she ask for it, then Steve greases up her butthole, (On screen no less, what a thick gooey mess.) and proceeds to shove a couple of fingers in there to test her out. As she takes her DP, Keli just can’t keep her mouth shut, as a constant stream of sexy, filthy talk flow through her lips like chunks of fat through the hardening arteries of your average Green Bay Packer fan. It is just this sort of dirty stuff that made me fall in lust with Keli a decade ago, and it stands the test of time. Steve pumps her ass good and hard for a while before leaving his load on her ass, stepping aside to give us a good view as she rides Tom’s cock good and hard. He also jerks his load up onto her ass, which is a bit of a drag, because Keli was such a sperm gulper. Using that talent would have been a real killer.
With everyone so busy, the next customer, Mr. Black (Troy Trainer) has no one to keep him company. So, he settles for secretary Kari Foxx (His real life SO). Kari is undeniably cute with one of the most perfect natural bods in porn history. Her scenes with Trainer always brought out the best in Kari and this is no exception. You have to love the way her pinkie sticks out like she is drinking tea while she sucks cock. (Which she does quite nicely I might add.) She rides him on the couch, which is great as it gives us a perfect view of her stellar behind. Bending her over, Troy slides his cock inside her inviting hole and fucks her for a while before shooting his wad on her back. Decent scene over and Kari is swept away by the mysterious spy.
Lithania is back to torture Suzy some more. She is about to be shipped off to a life of slavery in the Middle East. All her threats of revenge from he boyfriend Rambone do not dissuade the evil woman, instead they seem to stoke the fires of perversion that burn deep in her twisted soul. Enlisting the help of good old Deadeye, she puts Suzy through the paces one more time. The sex here is not sweet and nice. In fact, a young Max Hardcore might have enjoyed the whole forced aspect of this scene. With rough tit pulling and some fierce pussy licking, Powers and Petite get Suzy good and wet before abusing her some more. While Patti tongue fucks her ass, Penny sucks cock like a girl who is really enjoying herself. Both these women are nasty little bitches and that shows through well as Steve finally fucks Penny while the abused captive has her face smothered beneath Patti’s pussy.
Now, in a move that has always been a stand out in my mind, Patti straps on her big cock and lies on her back. Shoving Penny down in between them, Powers pops her ass in a very hot DP that brings about some of the loudest animal cries you will ever hear. This doesn’t last for long, but Penny’s ass gets fucked for a good long time until Patti p
ulls his cock out of her backdoor and jerks a big load out of her horny assistant. She even goes in for some of the very first A2M I ever saw, deep throating his cock straight out of her rivals poop chute. These two women are what porn videos are all about, hot, nasty and well fucked.
Poor unsuspecting Lois Ayers comes in next, and rather than get an interview, the punky, big titted blonde gets interrogated by a hyped up Rambone. Unable to answer his questions as to the whereabouts of his girlfriend, Lois is subjected to a fucking from his massive prick. Now, the box says 15 ½ inches, but there is no way this salami is that long. I’ll give him 11, maybe 12, and that is only when he is fully hard, something that was so rare, it cut the career of this cocksman short. In fact, some of these shots seem to be cut in with a smaller stunt cock. Anyway, busty Lois looks great, even if all she does in lie on her back and take the full length of his cock. Rather impressive on the shots where he does seem to be at full mast. After a few minutes of rather uninspired fucking, Rambone dumps a load on her belly. Lois attacks the cock, jerking every drop from in and looking like she really wished this stud could keep that horse prick hard for more.
At long last, Rambone bursts in to save the day. Saving his girl from her tormentors, the well-hung avenger has two words on his mind, Revenge Fuck. Patti is abused to the max here as she has to deep throat his cock. Granted, it seems a little less than rock hard, but still, I’d estimate it at a little bigger than Rocco’s and swallowing the whole thing brings tears to Patti’s eyes. If anyone can handle meat this huge, it is the tiny blonde. Seeing that her fella has one end taken care of, Penny straps on the fake cock and begins to fuck Patti as hard and fast as her hips will allow. There truly seems to be no love lost between these two women and this time it is Penny who has the upper hand. Her teeth seem to dig into Patti’s nipples just a bit too hard even as Rambone chokes her with his cock. (Now, this is a guy who can choke a woman without having to Max her, if you know what I mean.) Wanting to pay Patti back in every way, Penny shoves the strap on right up her tight ass.
Rambone manages to stay hard enough to give Patti all of his cock doggy style. Patti’s little pussy seems to adjust to his girth rather quickly and she looks glazed into a trance by his constant ramming. To complete her humiliation, Deadeye turns on his boss and forces his former bitchy boss to suck his cock. Now Ms. Petite is stuffed full at both ends with Penny dancing around, verbally rubbing her nose in it, and fingering her enemy’s ass to boot. Rambone shoots a load on Patti’s back, then has both girls suck the cum from his head, smearing their faces. This taste makes Penny hungry and she joins Patti for a very wet double BJ/kissing session that must feel every bit a great as it looks. Only after a very long double blow, does Penny jerk Steve off, hitting herself in the face with streams of cum before aiming it down onto Patti. Watch as Patti grabs Penny and pulls her back so they can share the load of cum. Talk about a slut who was well ahead of her time.
So ends the adventures of Rambone. To those of us who are used to Max Hardcore, Seymore Butts and the like, this vid may seem a bit silly and tame. However, in its time, this was some of the hardest sex ever shot. The cast is not exactly beautiful (Except for Heather Wayne) but most of them are among the 80’s all time fuck and suck queens (Petite, Morgan and Richards) Rambone’s killer cock was never what it was billed to be, but this is as close as he ever came to his great publicity. Watch this video for Patti, Keli and Penny and you will not be sorry. Buy it if you can find it, because it is a classic.
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