DROP DEAD GORGEOUS


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OVERALL RATING: 4
76 Mins.
DIRECTOR: Cash Markman
After Hours Entertainment
THEMES: Office Sex, Cheating
CONDOMS: None Noted
1999
STARS: Dolly Golden, Elizabeth X, Alana, Shaena Steel, Envy, Joel Lawrence, Mike Horner, Steve Austin, Brian Surewood, Anthony Crane and Frank Bukkwyl.
REVIEW:
I don’t know a thing about this movie other than the fact that there are two women in the cast, Alana and Envy who love, and I mean LOVE to watch fuck. OK, I know a little bit more than that. I know that Cash Markman likes to make funny sex vids, so I can assume that there will be some laughs along the way. However, it all boils down to that first thing I mentioned. How often to Alana and Envy get to strut their stuff in this movie? Since Alana is in the first scene, I am going to shut up now and hope she drops to her knees before I can finish this sentence.
Actually, we start out with Alana and Shaena Steel arguing at a barbecue over whether Alana is fucking Shaena’s husband. The trouble is, he’s fucking pretty much everyone that moves, including Alana’s blonde roommate Dolly Golden. Mike Horner is on hand, doing his best to geek things up and provide chuckles as this comedy unfolds. Joel Lawrence plays the three timing guy who is so deep in Dolly’s knockers that he doesn’t even care if his wife and girlfriend compare notes outside. The European hose beast is more than happy to work on his hot dog, swallowing much of it and drooling on the inches that don’t fit into her mouth. Dolly’s pussy is hot and ready for cock as well, so he leans back and lets her mount his rod. She really puts her whole body into it, working her hips up and down until she’s too tired to go on. Then it’s his turn to bend the babe over and screw her just as hard. Dolly’s not quite my cup of tea, but turns in a nice performance, including taking a good pop right in her mouth.
Someone doesn’t like all the shit he’s doing, because Joel goes down in a heap, shot dead. He is escorted through the afterlife on a journey to find out what really happened. Joel watches a group of women at his funeral. They were all at the party on that fatal day and he had fucked them all. Any one of them could have been the one who pulled the trigger.
Alana and Dolly decide that it would be a fitting final insult to make it with each other right in front of the coffin. OK, creepy, but at least we get to watch the Euro-babe enjoy the sweet snack between Alana’s long legs. There is a creepy mortician watching who eventually gets to join the two blondes. Actually, he just stands there naked, handing Alana a silver vibrator at just the right moment. Nice toy play here, but what’s really mouthwatering is the body Alana has. She also knows how to use a toy, fucking Dolly right in her snug sphincter. The show is so hot that the mortician blows a nut onto the coffin.
At the next stop, the spirit guide shows Joel that his heartbreaking past isn�t really anything to brag about. After all, any guy can do that. With that, he has to watch Shaena get fucked on top of the coffin by scummy gravedigger Brian Surewoood. Not much to look at, this redhead makes a pretty uncharismatic pair with Surewood. Seeing his wife fuck like a whore just seems to upset Joel. What upsets me is that Alana and Envy still haven’t sucked any dick.
The next stop is in Joel’s old office. He feels pretty good with what he accomplished in the workplace. Not only does he have a nice office, but a ton of stories about the bimbos he banged on that very desk. In walks his old secretary Envy, looking incredible in her short skirt. Now an underling has Joel’s office and his piece of ass. Finally we get to see Envy tossed onto a desk and licked into such a frenzy that she just can’t wait to get those lips wrapped around a hard cock. This amazing woman should have been the focus of the action from the very beginning. Watching her get porked on the desk is awesome. Check out the legs on this babe and I swear, every time she smiles, the screen fucking lights up. Great shots of her bod as she rides him RC in the chair. Hey, I have a chair like that in my office. Envy, would you like to come over and I’ll show you my joystick? Very high energy office sex that ends with Envy’s rack doused in cum.
I don’t want to give away the big mystery, but the next scene we see is between nerdy gofer Mike Horner and another office tart Joel was banging. Funny, Mike doesn’t seem like such a geek with his prick buried in this babe’s willing mouth. She is fairly enthusiastic, but to be honest, this woman holds no sexual interest for me, so it’s hard to see this scene as much more than a fill in.
I guess you could compare this movie to a porn version of Heaven Can Wait with a really crappy ending. I guess watching every chick you ever banged getting busy with other guys is a pretty bad way to spend eternity, but is it a bad way to spend an hour and a half? Well, Envy absolutely rocks the office, but she has the only scene that is truly special. Alana ends up giving a nice veggie scene, but she never takes a dick which is totally depressing. Most of the sex is nicely shot and hot enough if you like the women involved. For my money, Envy is worth watching twice.

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